Here’s Why It’s So Crucial To Meet His Family Before Getting Serious

Even if he says he’s been estranged from his family for a long time, it’s still important to get the full story before you get serious. Why? Because, if you end up getting married, these people can end up ruining your entire relationship. Learn from my experience so this doesn’t happen to you.

  1. The guy I was dating was so quiet about his family at first. I get that not everyone has a happy relationship with their parents, but this guy refused to tell me any stories about them whatsoever. I started wondering if he actually had parents or if he just arrived on Earth via spaceship one day. The worst part was, he knew I wasn’t judgmental. I’ve seen my fair share of parental spats and issues and know that no family is perfect.
  2. Eventually, he told me there was a major rift. It all had to do with his brother. I guess his brother was never able to “leave the nest,” so his parents doted on him more than my boyfriend. They acted like the brother was special and needed extra help in life when he was physically capable of living the same responsible way as my boyfriend. Years of this treatment and my guy decided to fade away.
  3. His parents saw this as a diss. I didn’t know the full story, but my guy told me his parents called him “jealous,” which he didn’t like at all. Things heated up from there and from what he told me, I imagined his family to be full of total narcissists.
  4. He hid me from them “for my own protection.” I think he was afraid that his mom would try to get close to me and I’d end up spilling information on her son that he didn’t want. She did try to reach out to me on Facebook after figuring out what my name was and it put me in an awkward situation. If I was to get married to this guy, wouldn’t I at least try to be cordial with his mom?
  5. Suddenly I was involved in more drama than when I was in high school. I understand that they did my boyfriend wrong, but at the same time, there are two sides to every story. We weren’t even engaged yet, but I started feeling guilty about our future kids never meeting their grandparents due to a silly argument from way back when.
  6. I finally convinced him to schedule a meet-up. I really do believe that every family situation can be put aside if everyone just stays cool and acts accountable for their own wrongdoings. Now, I recognize his parents may have been extra nice to me since it was the first meeting, but they were a lot better than my boyfriend, who still held a lot of resentment.
  7. The whole thing was just awkward. Maybe I overstepped my boundaries, but I honestly couldn’t help it. I started wondering if maybe my boyfriend was reading a lot into the situation and just had a victim complex. Again, it’s possible his parents were putting on an act, but he didn’t even try to move forward. He was the most meanspirited I’ve ever seen him, and it actually scared me.
  8. I realized then and there that I didn’t want this to be the rest of my life. Life is hard enough as-is and if my boyfriend wasn’t willing to even listen to his parents once, at my request, I knew this would be a lifelong battle. I really did see my boyfriend in a totally different light. I wanted to be with someone who at least gave the people who birthed them a second chance.
  9. It’s true when they say you marry the family. Even if my boyfriend was right and these people were secret villains, I just didn’t want to deal with it. I suddenly had fears where I was planning a wedding and his mom was taking over. Again, I met this lady for roughly two hours, but she was already haunting my visions of the future. That was a sign that this wasn’t meant to be.
  10. I actually had a friend who got divorced because the mom was too involved. This is also a totally relatable scenario. So many guys these days still need their moms by their side, so getting married is more like sharing your husband with his mother with no boundaries at all. This situation is more common than you think, and it often doesn’t go away after marriage. So, both extremes can lead to a ton of heartache.
  11. I broke up with him a week after meeting his family. For a full week, he lamented about that one visit. He just couldn’t get over it. He actually blamed me for trying to set it up and “making this more awkward” in the process. But for me, it was refreshing. It made me see a side of my boyfriend I probably wouldn’t have seen otherwise. And it made me realize that his idea of “family” is so toxic that in time, he may very well turn down the idea of having his own. For me, that was non-negotiable.
  12. I needed someone who knew the benefits of moving on. Do you want to be with someone who, for years, holds a grudge since you accidentally threw out the leftovers they were planning on eating for lunch? Or someone who writes off a great friend after one bad night? I understand that humans are flawed. We all do and say things we regret. It was obvious his parents missed him so much, but he barely let them get a word in. Characteristics like that rarely change in a person, so it was a huge eye-opener.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.