Here’s Why You Can’t Stop Dating Mediocre Men

Here’s Why You Can’t Stop Dating Mediocre Men ©iStock/Mikolette

You’re the girl in your group of friends who always has a boyfriend. If this were a rom-com, you’d be the girl who is never single and then wonders why she’s so unlucky in love. You either get bored and give up on relationships way too quickly, or you spend too long trapped in a partnership that you know is all wrong out of stubbornness. We joke about that classic break-up cliché “It’s not you, it’s me,” but what if it really isn’t you at all, but the type of guys you’re dating? It’s not that there’s anything horrible about these guys, they’re just mediocre, really. Here’s why you keep ending up in these types of relationships.

  1. You’re a serial dater. If you’re constantly on the prowl for your next guy, of course you end up with more mediocre ones than not. It takes a while to find someone that we actually really like, so if you need to hop from relationship to relationship, it’s all about quantity, not quality.
  2. You can’t stand being alone. All the pleasures of being alone are completely lost on you. The thought of staying home on a Friday night with pizza and Netflix makes you want to scream. If you can’t enjoy your own company, you’re going to force yourself to be with someone that is, let’s face it, a little dull. You think that anything is better than being alone, but it can actually make you feel even more lonely.
  3. You’ve accepted the idea of settling. We never expect to settle because many of us are secret hopeless romantics. We may say we’re feminists and don’t care about chocolate or roses, but deep down, we like that just as much as the next girl. When all the guys we’re with are average Joes that don’t make us feel much of anything, we often don’t realize there’s more to life (and love) than the hum-drum.
  4. You’ve got a timeline in your head. You want to be married by 28 and have a bunch of kids running around by 30. It’s non-negotiable in your mind, so once you find someone that is interested in commitment, you hold on and don’t let go, even when a little voice in your head is telling you to run because you’re just not all that into him. And just because everyone on Facebook is posting ring seflies doesn’t mean you need to, as well.
  5. You’re competing with your friends. Just because everyone is coupled up doesn’t mean you need to be, too. It’s completely normal to get tired of being the only single one, but if you feel it’s a competition, then you won’t ever allow yourself to take the time to find the right person for you.
  6. You don’t think you deserve any better. If you stay with a guy who doesn’t treat you well or who blows you off to hang out with his friends every single weekend, it’s probably because you think it could be worse. You’re accepting less than what you’re worth, but it doesn’t have to be that way at all.
  7. You still haven’t figured out what you want. Beyond the typical goals and milestones, you haven’t given any thought to the kind of couple you’d like to be part of. Do you want to have interesting conversations while making dinner together every night? Do you want to share new experiences together every weekend? If you ignore those kinds of questions, you’re going to keep dating mediocre guys, because it won’t matter who they are, just that they exist.
  8. You want to say you have a boyfriend. This is probably the number one reason for being with a mediocre guy. It’s all about making yourself look good and has nothing to do with how you actually feel.
  9. You’re just so used to it. If you haven’t dated an exciting, fascinating, smart guy in ages (or maybe you never have), you stop expecting someone to thrill and excite you.
  10. You’re addicted to the feeling of being wanted. You stay with these guys and ignore your own feelings because you like being liked. Of course you do – we all like that. But you’ll never be happy unless you take the time to date around and find a guy who makes even the most boring things magical. You’ve dated enough mediocre men by now, so you kind of owe it to yourself.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.