I Don’t Mind If My Boyfriend Looks At Other Women — He’s With Me, Isn’t He?

I’m happy with my boyfriend and secure in my relationship. We trust each other to be honest and loyal — if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be together. Because of this, I don’t mind if he happens to look at another woman. Why would I? He’s with me and that’s all that matters. Here’s why it doesn’t bother me:

  1. I’m Not Insecure. Well, as a general rule I’m not. We all have our moments when our confidence wavers, but my self-worth and confidence isn’t dependent on the actions of someone else. I’m not going to question my worth or attractiveness because of a glance that lasts no more than a few seconds. At the end of the day, he’s looking at me a lot more than someone he passes briefly and who, in all likelihood, he’ll never see again.
  2. He’s Looking, Not Touching. I’m not so naive as to believe that simply because his eyes go in one direction, his hands will follow. There’s an enormous difference between looking at something and going for the grope. If I were concerned enough that my partner is cheating or would cheat just by looking then I’d probably have bigger issues in the relationship than wandering eyes.
  3. I’m Not Controlling. I’ll admit to being picky and I’m most definitely opinionated about certain topics, but I know where to draw the line. I’ve been in a relationship where my every move was scrutinized and I was instructed on what I could or couldn’t do and it sucked. Putting someone else through that just isn’t something I could do, nor is it something I’m interested in doing.
  4. I Don’t Have A God Complex. I don’t need to be idolized above all else and everyone else. If I’m with someone then I obviously trust them, so why let other people’s opinions of what should and shouldn’t happen in my relationship become an issue? Yes, I’m very aware that there are a lot of people out there who will say looking at someone other than the person you’re with is wrong and demoralizing, but get a grip, folks! Short of poking his eyes out, there’s very little you can do about it and you’re kidding yourself if you think you can.
  5. I’m Not A Hypocrite. Yes, I’ve looked at other men and I own that fact. How could I expect my partner to keep his eyes averted when I don’t do it myself? I know, I know, there are people out there who swear black and blue that they never even so much as glance at someone who isn’t their partner. I don’t buy it! Unless you walk around blindfolded, it’s only natural that your eyes will at some point fall on someone else. That doesn’t mean you want to be with them!
  6. I Don’t Want To Drive Him To Cheat. Legitimate concern. I’ve heard stories of women who controlled every little action that their partner did and it always ended with cheating. Whether there is any truth to the stories I can’t say, but it isn’t a risk I’m prepared to take. I know that if cheating is going to occur then it doesn’t matter what you say or do — why give it an unneeded shove?
  7. He’s Looking At A Fantasy, Not The Reality Of Her. She can have long hair, a smile that would make a dentist weak at the knees and legs all the way to heaven, but it’s all surface gloss. His gawking session isn’t going to last anywhere near long enough for him to establish whether he actually likes her. It’s as harmless as a sex-viewing session. He can look all he likes, but it isn’t real.
  8. It’s Not Always Sexual. Believe it or not, not every glance has a sexual undertone. Admiring someone for their sense of style or confident strut is hardly worthy of worry. There are a lot of reasons to look at someone beyond finding them sexually attractive. Confession time: I have had total brain exhaustion moments where I’ve completely zoned out, only to snap back to reality and find myself staring aimlessly at someone I had no clue was in front of me. Apart from the occasional annoyed girlfriend, I’m sure their ego got a well deserved boosting.
  9. Sexuality Is No Longer A Hidden Part Of Society. I consider myself very fortunate to live in a time of such sexual liberation. True, some people are a little more liberated than others, but the great thing about modern society is that we should have advanced enough to accept that sex is not a taboo topic and neither is admiring the human form. So why should we hide it? Of course, there’s a time and a place, but provided you’re not breaking any laws or hurting anyone, why can’t we be free to explore the sexual world around us? I want the person I’m with to feel free to express them-self without feeling inhibited.
  10. Does It Really Matter Where He Gets His Appetite From? As long as he’s dining at home, what does it matter where he read the menu? I don’t want to come across as blase, but honestly, as long as he’s walking back through my door with clean hands, he can get an eyeful of whatever he likes.
Maggie is a freelance writer based in Perth, Western Australia. When she isn't swigging wine straight from the bottle, she is busy procrastinating on her housework. Currently working on her first novel, she is also the creator of The Reverse Housewife and regular contributor to Hub Garden.