If He’s Got One Foot Out The Door Of Your Relationship, He Might As Well Just Leave

One of the worst feelings in a relationship is when you can tell the person you’re dating isn’t so sure if they want to be with you anymore. Whether they vocalize their feelings or you can just tell by the way they act, it can drive you crazy trying to get them to change their mind and pull them back to you. But if your partner seems on the fence about staying with you, this is why you should let him go rather than trying to hold on:

  1. You deserve someone who’s all-in. I guarantee there are plenty of guys out there who are funny, smart, cute, and wouldn’t constantly leave you wondering if they were just going to up and leave one day. Why try to keep this dude around if he’s unsure about how he feels about you? You know what you have to bring to the table, so settling for someone who doesn’t appreciate you just because you like (or even love) him is doing a disservice to yourself.
  2. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to keep him interested. You have nothing to gain except a new sense of insanity by trying to keep this dude around. Never allow yourself to believe that his indecision is your fault or that something you will or won’t do will make the difference between him staying or leaving. By trying to be the “perfect” woman for him, you’ll feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells in an attempt to convince him that you’re worth sticking around for. Keep your sanity, lose the guy.
  3. You can’t change him. I can guarantee you’re not the first or the last woman he’s had commitment issues with. While some commitmentphobes eventually find a woman they want to settle down with, they do it because they’re ready, not because the woman they’re dating follows all the right steps to turn them into someone they’re not. You’re just going to wear yourself out if you attempt to convert him into someone who’d stay by your side even when things get rocky.
  4. He’s taking up a better man’s space. There is no positive quality that this guy possesses that millions of other men in the world don’t also possess. And I bet at least some, if not most of those guys wouldn’t constantly be wrestling with their decision to stay with you. By keeping this dude in the threshold of your life, you’re blocking the way for someone better to show you how happy and secure he could make you feel. A man who’s really worth your time won’t ever question if you’re worth his, so there’s truly no reason to keep this indecisive loser around.
  5. It’s not worth the anxiety. Your mental health is far more important than any relationship, but especially any relationship that seems to constantly be on the verge of falling apart. You might claim that this guy makes you happy, but how happy can you really be if his behavior is keeping you up at night wondering if he’ll be sick of you by the next morning? The idea of letting him go might be upsetting, but I guarantee the anticipation is worse. Once he’s out of your life, you’ll feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
  6. You should always feel confident in your relationship. In other words, no, this isn’t “normal.” Healthy relationships are stable relationships, and a man who’s actually worth all the stress that this guy is putting you through won’t actually ever put you through this kind of stress. A good partner will always make sure you know he’s not going anywhere, and he’ll never put an asterisk on your relationship. Anyone who treats you differently is just a stain on your love life.
  7. He’s going to peace out eventually anyway. Even if he decides to stick around for now, I promise you his choice is only temporary. A guy who spends THIS long debating whether or not it’s worth it to stay with you is always going to have doubt lingering in the back of his mind, and eventually, it’s going to grow until he can’t take it anymore. If you convince him to stick around, you’re only going to be prolonging the inevitable. Rip off that proverbial band-aid and look for someone more reliable.
  8. Someone who truly cares for you won’t even consider leaving. This dude might feed you a bunch of BS about how “he’d already be gone if he didn’t like you so much”, but come on — deep down, you know that’s a lie. If he really liked you as much as he said he did, he wouldn’t even be glancing towards the exit. He might think you’re cool or fun or sweet or sexy, but a man who can’t be bothered to make the firm choice to stay with you isn’t going to be one you can depend on when times get tough.
  9. He won’t realize what he has until it’s too late. Once you let him walk away, he’ll finally open his eyes and see  what a catch you really are… but it’s not going to happen until he does walk away. It’s how it always works: when you’re doing everything you can to keep him in your life, he’s not sure if that’s what he wants, but once you finally get sick of his stuff, he gets the wake-up call a little too late. You’ll get that satisfaction once you’ve moved on, but you’re kidding yourself if you think he’s going to come to this realization while you’re still fine with his wishy washy feelings.
  10. No man is worth your dignity. There is no job he could have, no level of sexy he could be, no number of orgasms he could give you that would make him worth cutting yourself down in order to convince him to stay with you. You’re a strong woman, and before this bum came around, you had no qualms about telling a guy to peace out if he didn’t realize how awesome you were. Don’t give that up now just because you like this guy. Give him the little extra push he needs to march out of your life for good, and do it with your head held high.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.