“He’s Great Once You Get To Know Him” & Other Excuses You Make For Your Bad Boyfriend

So your friends and family hate your boyfriend, and it seriously sucks being caught between them. You try to show your them that he’s actually a good guy underneath all that sarcasm, rudeness, and plain arrogance, but if you’re honest with yourself, you know he’s just a jerk. If you’re making any of these excuses for him, you need to take off your rose-colored glasses and (finally) see him for what he really is.

  1. “He’s just lashing out.” What, is he a toddler? Why would he have to lash out at people? Can’t he control himself or his emotions when he gets affected by something? That’s a bad sign. No wonder your friends hate him even more now.
  2. “He’s going through a rough patch.” Sure, he’s been having a horrible time at work and his car got stolen and his best friend betrayed him… Blah, blah, blah. Just because he’s having a tough time in his life, it doesn’t give him the right to treat you or other people like crap. Ever.
  3. “He doesn’t know how to deal with people.” Um, then he should take an online course or something. Anyone can make an effort to be polite — it really doesn’t take a lot. The shyest, most introverted and clueless people manage. What makes this guy so special that he can’t?
  4. “He’s just kidding.” He speaks badly of you, writing it off as a joke, and you go along with it. You’ve clearly started to believe his lame excuse that he’s just being funny, which is sad because underneath your smile you’re feeling really embarrassed and awkward when he pulls this crap in front of your friends.
  5. “It’s just his way.” This is the worst excuse of all because it’s so vague. It’s like you’re trying to write off his jerky behavior as being something that’s sort of special or mysterious because he does it. It’s creepy AF to do this, and no one’s buying the excuse. All they’re thinking is that he’d better change his way or GTFO.
  6. “I know he loves me.” You might use the love thing as a defense against his behavior, but sadly it’s not enough. Just because you think he loves you, it doesn’t mean that he can do anything he wants under that umbrella. He should be treating you well, both in private and public, in order to be deserving of you.
  7. “But I love bad boys.” You might think that calling him a bad boy makes him sexy. He’s moody and unpredictable, which can be appealing… only it’s not in real life. How can it be when your guy isn’t talking to your friends all night and making everyone feel awkward AF? Instead of trying to market him as a bad boy, you should really be calling him what he is: a jerk.
  8. “He’s really busy.” It’s been days and he hasn’t bothered to get back to your important text. You write him off as being so swamped at work, but come on — surely even you don’t believe that? If he was a decent BF he’d take the time to reply to you or at least let you know what’s happening on his side. All it takes is two damn minutes!
  9. He’s got trust issues.” This is an excuse that’s becoming annoying AF. Everyone has trust issues, damn it! If he claims to battle to trust women, it’s not a good enough reason for why he’s treating you badly. You’re a decent, awesome GF, not one of his nasty exes, after all. You deserve better.
  10. “He was drunk.” He got totally trashed on his boys’ night out, so he punched some guy’s lights out or kissed another girl. Don’t blame his bad behavior on booze, because vodka isn’t going to take the blame for this one. There are lots of people out there who drink and don’t end up doing bad things. He’s just a bad guy.
  11. “He’s a great guy — you just have to get to know him better.” It’s convenient to make your friends have to make the effort to get to know your boyfriend instead of facing up to the reality that you’re dating a jerk. But why would they want to get to know him better when he’s made such a terrible first impression? If you were in their place, you wouldn’t.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.