If He’s Intimidated By Your Success, He Doesn’t Deserve To Share In It

Any decent guy out there doesn’t mind when a woman gets a job promotion or achieves her dreams, but there are still lots of men out there who feel threatened by a woman who knows how to go out there and get what she wants. If your partner tries to rain on your parade whenever something good happens in your life, just end it. You deserve so much more.

  1. You deserve someone who’s happy for you. It’s easy to find sympathy when you’re down and out, but much more difficult when you’re happy because people tend to be jealous. As Oscar Wilde said, “Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.” There’s enough envy in your social circle and colleagues to go around — it shouldn’t be coming from your partner. If he loves you, he’ll want to see you succeed.
  2. You should have support. You might be independent and successful, but everyone needs to have a supportive partner. This should be non-negotiable. If you’re supporting him, but he’s never around to pop champagne bottles with you when you’ve achieved something, he’s not doing enough for you and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve to share in your success.
  3. You should never cut yourself down to size. Your impulse might be to try to tone down your success or hide it away to prevent problems in your relationship, but you should stand proud. It’s not about throwing success in his face — it’s just about being who you are and living your life completely. Don’t ever let anyone bring you down or make you hide your light away. If your partner expects this from you, then surprise him with a kick right out of your life.
  4. You don’t need to stroke his ego. So maybe your partner is intimidated by your success because he feels he doesn’t measure up. He might try to show off some of his own success in the hope that he’ll get an ego boost. It’s one thing to be supportive, but quite another to feel that you have to baby your partner. If he’s insecure, it’s really not your problem.
  5. You shouldn’t change your life to accommodate him. If your partner seems to be against your career because he claims that you don’t see him enough or that you’re stressed, this could be a manipulative way for him to change you. You should never change your life to the point where your partner’s needs are shadowing your dreams. He’s got to fit into your schedule if he’s worth keeping in your life.
  6. You shouldn’t feel like you’re in a competitionCompetition between partners happens  — and it’s ugly. You should feel like you and your partner are a team, not rivals. If he’s a highly competitive person and he’s bringing that energy to your relationship, it’s not healthy.
  7. You shouldn’t put up with screwed-up gender ideals. He might think that men should earn more money or have jobs higher up the corporate ladder, but it doesn’t mean that you should listen to him. What, is he from the dark ages? Put him back there. Subtle signs that nail him as a sexist include him acting surprised when you don’t fit into a stereotype (such as if you’re in a previously male-dominated industry and kicking ass) or becoming defensive about sexism. One word: RUN!
  8. You shouldn’t be made to feel like you can’t have it all. A guy who’s intimidated by your success might try to make you doubt yourself, such as by saying that you can’t have it all because it’s unrealistic. Show him that you can do all that you want — and more. You don’t need his (or anyone’s) negativity or permission.
  9. You should feel you can be the best version of yourself. Your partner should help you feel comfortable to be yourself and also feel safe to grow into a stronger, more successful person. If you don’t have the encouragement or space to grow in this way, then instead of motivating you, he’s holding you back.
  10. You deserve a partner who boosts your confidence. You don’t need someone to constantly hold up your self-esteem, but that doesn’t mean your partner shouldn’t make you feel confident. Maybe he does, but only in certain areas of your life, such as when it comes to your appearance and the bedroom. But then what about your success? If he doesn’t give you words of encouragement or pride, he could actually be causing you feel insecure. Not cool.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.