He’s Not Boyfriend Material If He’s Not Doing These Things

If you’re going to make room in your already full life for a guy, he needs to be worth it. While some of the stuff you’re looking for in a relationship and a potential partner will be unique to you, there are certain qualities that any man who’s “boyfriend material” will have right off the bat. If he does these things, you may have finally found a keeper:

  1. Erasing any doubts about the relationship A good boyfriend doesn’t keep you guessing about how he feels, where things are going or anything else because he knows you deserve better. Plus, he knows you’re a catch and that if he doesn’t step up to the plate, some other guy could swoop in and steal you from right under his knows. He knows what he wants, and that’s you.
  2. Thinking you’re the hottest girl in the world Any guy who’s boyfriend material thinks you’re the most beautiful woman that ever existed and he tells you so through his words and actions. Yes, he’s physically attracted to you, but he also thinks you’re beautiful because of who you are, and that’s an incredible feeling.
  3. Making your heart melt When you think about him and the cute thing he did the last time you were together, it makes your heart melt a little and a goofy grin come across your face. It’s not because you’re infatuated with him (though there’s no shortage of lust there) but because he’s so special. He’s thoughtful, kind, and always goes out of his way to make you feel appreciated. Awwwwww.
  4. Being honest, even when it’d be easier to lie A guy who’s good boyfriend material is always honest, and not just in the sense that he isn’t actively lying or hiding things from you. He’s honest about his thoughts and feelings and hopes and fears on any topic because he’s comfortable opening up to you and values your thoughts about his thoughts. He knows being lied to is more hurtful than hearing a difficult truth, and he cares about you too much to not be upfront from the beginning.
  5. Making room for you in his life Life gets hectic sometimes, but no matter how busy he gets, he’s never too busy for you. He’s also never conflicted about his feelings for you or about relationships in general. He has room for you now, and if he doesn’t, he’s specifically rearranging his priorities so that he does because you matter to him.
  6. Admiring you Boyfriend material doesn’t just like you, he admires your mind, body, and soul. He should be slightly in awe of your presence, like he can’t quite believe his luck that a goddess like you even exists, let alone that you’re in his life.
  7. Making you see things in a different way A guy who’s boyfriend material will open your eyes to something new, whether that’s one of his hobbies, a new cuisine, or a completely new perspective on one of the Big Things in life that you hadn’t considered before. Something about him makes the world seem bigger and more amazing than it did before you met, and that’s a gift.
  8. Making sex feel like so much more Sex is a huge part of most relationships, so something special should be happening between you. Sometimes this is unparalleled lust and sometimes it’s just a sweetness when you come together that you’ve never experienced before — maybe both. It’s different for everyone, but the point is that it should be amazing compared to the guys who aren’t boyfriend material.
  9. Being not just your partner but your friend too That man who’s boyfriend material is both your lover and your friend. He’ll do whatever it takes to satisfy you in bed and then tell you a funny story afterwards and be affectionate the whole way through. He’s not trying to split his focus and compartmentalize you into one piece of a relationship — you’re the whole package and he’s all in.
  10. Not hiding your relationship He’s open about the relationship because you’re an important part of his life and he wants everyone to know how proud he is to have you. He doesn’t care what other people think — he’s made up his mind and that’s good enough for him. He certainly isn’t trying to hide anything.
  11. Feeling secure with himself He isn’t looking for some arm candy or trying to mold you into someone you aren’t. He’s secure enough with himself to accept you as you are, and he’s also secure enough to respect the life you were living before he came into it. He knows you’ll offer the same in return, and that’s what makes your relationship so damn good.
  12. Expecting you to be girlfriend material This is a two-way street, and any guy who’s good enough to meet your standards should have some standards of his own. He’s not going to date just any girl that comes his way for the sake of dating, so if you’re in his life, it’s because you have a lot to offer. You’re both complete, fulfilled people on your own, so when you come together, you make for an amazing team.
  13. Being consistent A guy who’s boyfriend material is consistent in the sense that he’s true to himself, his values and his feelings all the time. He doesn’t show up one day and shower you with affection and compliments and then disappear for two and not return your texts. He’s isn’t passionate about a subject one day and then hates it the next. Life and moods can be unpredictable, but he should be consistent enough that you feel stable with him even when everything seems to be shifting around you.
  14. Being full of possibilities The word “potential” gets thrown around a lot so let’s go with possibility. It’s not that he has to rise to some imaginary bar that exists out there, but that having him in your life will open you up to possibilities that you haven’t yet experienced. Isn’t that what love is all about?

More signs he’s definitely not boyfriend material

  1. He doesn’t know what he wants. Don’t get me wrong, I have almost no idea what I’m doing with my life. However, I do pretty much know who I am, what I’m approximately aiming for, and certainly what my values are. A guy who hasn’t figured these things out yet needs to spend time by himself, even if he doesn’t think so. Otherwise, you will end up being the scapegoat for his own lack of fulfilment later down the line.
  2. He’s not living independently. Financial difficulties make it really hard for our generation to leave the nest as soon as we’d like, but if your guy is still living under his parents’ roof and isn’t showing any signs of working towards changing that, there’s always going to be a limit on his independence and he’ll be somewhat sheltered from certain life realities.
  3. He can’t make you part of his life. Nor can he figure out how to be a part of yours. A prime example is a guy who doesn’t remember milestones—or, if he does remember them, he elects to ignore them. For whatever reason, birthdays, new jobs and whatever else seem to elude him… every single time. You’ll never get him along to social occasions with your friends, and heaven forbid he should take the initiative to meet you for lunch one day.
  4. He wants to flirt. Every couple has their own idea of what counts as flirtation and what’s an acceptable degree of it outside of the relationship. But if you go out and he’s paying other women attention that you feel uncomfortable with, then you’re not out with a guy who’s ready to put you first or who’s prepared to respect your emotional boundaries.
  5. He’s scared of intimacy. You know what you deserve? Someone who adores you, sees you for all that you are, can’t wait to be with you, and knows exactly how lucky he is to have you by his side. A guy who backs away every time things get too close/serious is not a guy who’s capable of loving you in the way that you deserve.
  6. He can’t offer emotional support. Lots of guys freak out at the thought of needing to offer emotional support. There are also lots of guys who don’t. If you want something real, then you need a partner who can stand by you through the ups and downs, who’s capable of offering comfort and support. Contrary to his fears, you don’t need a therapy session—you just need a hug and an empathic response.
  7. He struggles to express himself. Someone who speaks in half-sentences and doesn’t know how to express himself during important conversations isn’t someone who’s ready to be in a relationship. You shouldn’t have to be his relationship coach or guess his every thought. He should be open and honest with you.
  8. He avoids conflict. Lasting, high quality relationships are all about communication. If your guy runs away from difficult conversations, run-of-the-mill problems quickly turn into arguments and overly-emotional reactions. If there was simply a conversation right from the start, you could easily iron out misunderstandings, get back on the same page, or head off any potential future disagreements.
  9. He goes out, like, all the time. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a club night, but if he’s going out almost as often as when he was in college, that’s gotta raise a few questions. A grown man should have more hobbies and interests than getting drunk and staying out all night.
  10. He’s all talk. Some guys know how to talk big even though there’s no follow through. They might compliment you and make all sorts of promises, but if you’ve never seen any of it materialize, it’s time you went in search of a guy who actually knows how to appreciate you.
  11. He has no intentions. Not to sound all 1850s here, but if a guy doesn’t have intentions for you, it’s bad news. Thankfully, I’m not talking about marriage and being chained to a stove for the rest of your life—I’m talking about him being clear in his mind that he actually wants a second date with you, to get to know you better, or simply show you how much he values you and so on. Yes, be flexible; live in the moment and see what happens. But if your guy has no intention of dating you properly and you’re looking for someone with boyfriend potential, this is not him.

What are the signs that he’d make a great boyfriend?

  1. He’s got ambition. A boyfriend should not only pull his own weight in the relationship, but have goals and a purpose in his own life, as well. There’s nothing sexier than a man that’s going places.
  2. He entertains you. Whether he’s got a great sense of humor or you just think his hobbies are interesting, he’s not boring you when you hang out.
  3. He’s unwaveringly loyal. He is not boyfriend material if he’s still trying to be a player, even if it’s just the player attitude he’s trying to project. He’s just not.
  4. He’s observant. He might not know what exactly you did differently to your hair, but he sure does notice when it looks great.
  5. He’s incredibly self-aware. A great boyfriend isn’t going to be perfect, but he is going to know what he can work on and why. And then he’ll actually work on it.
  6. He gives you space. A good boyfriend loves to hang out with you, but he also has his own things to do and assumes you do, too. He’s not trying to meld the two of you into one, and he’s not emotionally manipulative about the time you spend apart.
  7. He’s got his act together. A great boyfriend isn’t going to be trying to fill an emotional void by having you around, and he isn’t battling addictions that always come first.
  8. He knows how to compromise. Without compromise, one person is always running the show. He’s willing to listen, be fair, and meet in the middle when it makes sense to.
  9. He’s consistent. A good boyfriend isn’t hot one day and cool the next; he’s consistent with his feelings toward you so you know he’s not about to bolt at any given moment.
  10. He lights you up inside. He doesn’t have to be an underwear model, or the most stylish guy on town, but he should make you feel different than other guys do.
  11. He advises without force. A good boyfriend will have suggestions for how you could do certain things better, but he wont try and force or bully you into doing anything that you don’t want to do.
  12. He has principles. This guy knows what he considers right and wrong and doesn’t waver when he’s exposed to other people’s ideas on the matter.
  13. He turns you on. If he doesn’t make your body feel a little weird inside/star in your fantasies, then what separates him from your platonic male friends?
  14. He wants you to succeed. A good boyfriend isn’t looking for a woman to play a role in his play, he wants you to be happy in your own life as well as the one you share with him.
  15. He makes time for you. He doesn’t necessarily spend all his time with you, but when he does, it’s as much on your schedule as his schedule. He’ll move some things around to make sure you don’t miss your dinner date this week.
  16. He’s devoted. You do not want to waste your time with another dude who can do with or without you. If you’re going to couple up, he’d better be super enthusiastic about all things you.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com