If He’s Not A “Hell Yes” Then He’s A No

You realize as you get a bit older that there’s no time to waste on inconsequential flings. You have to look at the person you want objectively and decide if you’re going there for the right reasons. There’s no in between—he’s either a “hell yeah” or he’s a no-go.

  1. Don’t settle. You’ll be tempted at times—everyone is. You get lonely. You’re not meeting anyone amazing, and then you meet someone who is at least okay, and you think, why not? You don’t have anything else going on. Don’t go there! Remember that you deserve big love.
  2. Trust your instincts. It can be surprisingly easy to ignore your gut and convince yourself to go for someone you don’t actually want. You tell yourself all kinds of stories, trying to push away the uneasy knowledge that you aren’t that into him. Stop fighting the truth.
  3. Don’t try to talk yourself into it. Know that if you’re doing this, he’s already a no. Have you ever heard yourself telling your friends about a guy and realized mid-story that you’re not even convincing yourself that he’s right for you? When you’re trying to fool yourself, think of how it would sound to someone else.
  4. Know it’s silly to date someone who doesn’t thrill you. Why would you even bother if you aren’t beyond excited? You should be stoked if you’ve finally found the person who you want to share your valuable time. If you don’t feel great about it, he’s not the “hell yeah” you want and deserve.
  5. Remember that lukewarm feelings aren’t fair to him either. You wouldn’t want someone who felt indifferent about you to date you just because he had nothing else going on. Don’t do that to someone else. He deserves his own “hell yes” just as much as you do – if you’re considering settling, remember that.
  6. Understand that there’s no grey area here. Usually life isn’t so black and white and your relationships won’t be either, but the initial decision to get serious with someone should be. If you’re going to risk both your heart and his, you shouldn’t have any doubts about what you want.
  7. You must be a “hell yes” for him as well. In order for all this to work out, he needs to be as excited about you as you are about him. The trickiest part of dating is finding that mutual level of enthusiasm for each other. If it’s an uneven balance, things aren’t as likely to work out. You both need to want the relationship badly.
  8. Know that if it’s not awesome in the beginning, it probably never will be. It should be fun and exciting to date someone new. Hopefully he’s the person your dreams are made of—and if you’re already having doubts, it’s not likely that the situation will improve. Usually it ends up going the other way.
  9. He won’t be perfect but you won’t care. It’s about the connection you share regardless of the flaws and quirks you both have. Everyone has baggage but with him, it suddenly doesn’t matter. The two of you just work, and your imperfect selves make perfect sense to each other. That’s how you know.
  10. Make sure you’re not making excuses if it doesn’t feel right. Sometimes you want so badly for something to work out that you trick yourself—and others—into thinking that it will. You purposely overlook the issues because things are mostly good, or at least tolerable. If you have X, Y, and Z in common, you can fudge the rest of it, right? Wrong.
  11. Listen to your gut and don’t overthink it. You should bring a little logic and balance into the equation, but thinking too much will be the death of any magic that exists between you. If you’re analyzing every last thing, you aren’t allowing yourself the space to enjoy what is happening. It’s special so don’t let it pass you by.
  12. Show him how you feel—it’s the only way to know if he feels the same. It’s scary to admit to someone that he’s your “hell yes”—especially if you aren’t positive that he’s on the same page. Unfortunately, the only way to get your answer is to be as open and honest as possible. If you don’t get the answer you want, you won’t waste any more time.
  13. Remember that a “yeah, okay” is not a “hell yes.” You might be able to date someone because he’s easy and convenient and non-threatening, but is that what you really want in a relationship? Don’t do it—hold out for the person who makes your heart race but also feels like home.
  14. Don’t be crushed if the “hell yes” isn’t mutual—you deserve one back. It can be tough to recover from feeling this way about someone who doesn’t have the same emotions for you. It won’t be easy to try again, but you must. Once you find the person who sees your amazing self and truly appreciates you, you’ll understand why he wasn’t simple to discover.
  15. Don’t worry about the opinions of others. If you know deep down in the core of your being that it’s right, don’t let anyone else get into your head. One jealous or conniving person could ruin everything if you let them. Sometimes other people don’t understand your connection with your “hell yes” and that’s okay—as long as you do.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.