If He’s Not Making You Feel Important & Loved, Why Are You Wasting Your Time With Him?

Finding love is all about finding someone who can be there for you through the good times and the bad. It’s about having a true life partner so that you don’t have to walk through the world alone; someone who can take the weight off your shoulders when it becomes too much. So if he’s not there when you really need him, what’s the point in being with him at all?

  1. Being there for each other is what relationships are all about. You’ll always be there for him and vice versa — that’s the basic level of commitment you make to each other by being in a relationship. He can’t just be around when it’s convenient for him and gone when you actually need someone. If you’re not single, then you shouldn’t have to be alone, especially for life’s rough patches.
  2. You deserve to be treated right. Don’t put up with men who treat you like you’re unimportant. You’re not worthless and you deserve better than settling for having a boyfriend in title alone. It’s time for you to see that you’re worthy of real love. You need someone who will stick by your side through the good times AND the bad, so hold out for the guy who knows how to be there and how to treat you right.
  3. You should both be making an equal effort. Relationships are all about give and take. If he expects you to be there for him, why wouldn’t he be willing to do the same for you? You can’t be the only one making an effort in your relationship. This is a partnership and you both have to put in an equal amount of work. Don’t carry him if he’s not willing to offer you the same in return.
  4. Dependability can define the relationship. It tells you whether he thinks this is serious or casual and whether you have a future or you’re just temporary. A man who’s there for you is a man who is serious about your relationship. He’s going to be there because he sees a future with you. Just remember, a man who flakes is a man who thinks of your so-called “relationship” as just casual.
  5. If he’s not there for you, he’s taking you for granted. He doesn’t appreciate what an amazing girl you are, and that’s why he couldn’t care less about being there when you need him. You need a man who sees just how wonderful you are; a man who feels lucky to be there for you and lucky that you let him be a part of your life. If he can’t be there then he’ll never appreciate you, at least not the way you deserve.
  6. Boyfriends are supposed to be dependable. Just because you’re independent doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to depend on him. That’s part of a boyfriend’s duty just like it is a girlfriend’s job. You’re supposed to be able to lean on each other and if you can’t, then he’s not your boyfriend — he’s just some guy who for the time being holds some sort of nonchalant place in your life.
  7. Sometimes being a good boyfriend is a lot like being a good friend. A good friend would be there for you, right? So why should you have the same expectations of a boyfriend? He’s supposed to be better than a friend. He’s supposed to be the person you have the potential to spend your life with. Bottom line — if he can’t do the basic deeds of a good friend then he’ll never make a good boyfriend.
  8. Love is selfless. It’s not that he has to be there for you, but he should want to be there for you. Why? Purely because he loves you. If he doesn’t show up when you need him then you need to face the fact that this unworthy man doesn’t truly love you. The only person he cares about in this relationship is himself.
  9. Being a good boyfriend takes work. He doesn’t get to reap the physical benefits and then ignore your emotional needs. Sometimes being a good boyfriend is going to take a lot of effort. Your life isn’t going to be all sunshine and daisies 24/7, so if he can’t put aside his own personal desires to be there for when you need him, can you really call what you have love?
  10. If he’s not there for you then it’s not a real relationship. If you can’t count on him, then what are you to each other, really? Relationships are about respect, love, and trust, but if you’re not there for each other, those foundations don’t exist. If you’re in a relationship but you still have to depend solely on yourself then you might as well be single. So really, what’s the point?
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.