If He’s Not Opening Up To You, You’re Not Important To Him

Even if everything else about your relationship seems perfect, if he’s not letting you in, it’s never really going to go anywhere. By opening up to someone, you’re allowing yourself to grow closer and connect on an emotional level. Without that depth, the relationship will be unfulfilling and the cracks will start to show. If that sounds familiar, here’s why you should think about calling it quits:

  1. When you open up to him, you should get the same in return. The truth is that if he was really serious about you, he wouldn’t be holding back. Sure, being vulnerable is scary, but you care about him, so you do it. What’s his excuse? When he’s not being open and honest about his feelings, it makes you doubt everything. Does he like you as much as he says he does? Probably not, but he’ll keep stringing you along while he figures out what he wants.
  2. If it feels one-sided, it probably is. It’s clear that he doesn’t have strong enough feelings for you just yet. In his head, he’s still trying to decide if you’re someone he could be committed to. That’s not a good sign. If he really cared about you, he wouldn’t jeopardize your relationship by closing up. The more you deny it, the harder it is to give up the fight.
  3. You shouldn’t have to fix him. Being in love with an emotionally unavailable guy is disheartening because you keep wondering whether there’s something you should be doing to make him open up to you. You can’t force it. He should feel relaxed around you and comfortable enough to be able to say what’s on his mind. If he doesn’t feel like he can do that, it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself for his own personal issues. You can’t change who he is, nor should you have to.
  4. He doesn’t see a future with you. It’s hardly surprising, really — if he thought there was a chance that you could be “The One” then he’d want you to know everything there is to know about him. If he avoids talking about future plans, hasn’t introduced you to the important people in his life, and gets uncomfortable whenever you start discussing your feelings, then his heart really isn’t in it.
  5. You won’t ever feel satisfied. How can you be genuinely happy in a relationship when you feel so much more for him than he does for you? This guy doesn’t love or respect you enough to be honest about his feelings, which means you’re always going to be second-guessing everything he says and trying to decipher the meaning behind his words. Let it go.
  6. There was probably nothing there to begin with. Opening up is something that comes naturally when you feel 100 percent comfortable around someone. In the early stages of the relationship, it’s normal to feel apprehensive about sharing your thoughts and feelings for fear of being judged or rejected — but if it’s a few months into the relationship and he’s downright refusing to let you in completely, then there’s clearly something wrong.
  7. You can’t wait forever. Even though you know it’s probably not worth fighting for, you wait around just to see if things work out. You can’t bury your feelings for him and you don’t want to give up too soon, either, so you wait. And wait. And wait. The problem is that you’re waiting for something that isn’t going to happen. You’re setting yourself up for a whole lot of heartache.
  8. He’s being selfish. His emotional unavailability reflects how he feels about you. Instead of telling you what’s on his mind and setting you free, he’s giving you just enough hope to make you believe that he likes you. As soon as you start wanting more, he pulls away again. This guy has commitment issues and communication problems, and that’s not something you need to put up with. He knows exactly what he’s doing and it’s selfish and unfair.
  9. Everyone can see it but you. Your friends and family can see what’s really going on. The disappointment is written all over your face — you want more than he’s willing to give, but you reassure them that everything else about your relationship is great. You like this guy enough to give him the time and space that he needs and you want to believe that things can only get better… except it’s only going to get worse. The more you give, the less he will give back. You deserve more than that.
  10. Your gut instincts are telling you that something’s wrong. Even if this person tells you that he loves you, that’s not enough to make you feel loved and secure. Ultimately, words mean nothing if his actions don’t live up to them. You long for a closeness that he’s not willing and/or able to provide, and it’s better to accept the harsh truth than hold on to a relationship that’s making you feel inadequate.
Coralle is a freelance writer with an interest in relationships, women's health and parenting. In her free time, she enjoys reading, watching new Netflix shows and spending time with family.