He’s Not “The One”, But That Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Be With Him (At Least For Now)

Even if it’s not entirely random, love is still a numbers game. We date dozens of guys over the years before we end up finding one worth marrying (if we ever do), so when you think about it, we actually spend way more time with guys that aren’t “The One” than we do with our eventual soulmate. Before we’re ready to settle down for good, there’s nothing wrong with having a relationship (or several) with guys who are great for the moment, even if you know it’s not forever.

Here’s what it’s like when you find yourself in that position:

  1. You love him — or at least really like him — in the present. You guys are clearly connected, you just know it’s not long-term. However, he’s an important part of your life in the meantime, and that means something, right?
  2. Sometimes you feel guilty. There are those moments where he talks about his future as if you’re in it and you just know that you’re not, you just don’t know how to tell him that.
  3. You’re addicted to the comfort. There’s just something so safe about knowing this isn’t going anywhere. You can’t really do wrong in a relationship that you don’t want to make right.
  4. You wonder if he’s keeping you from Mr. Right. Is being with the wrong guy keeping you from meeting the right one, or will the right guy find you at the right time regardless of what else is going on?
  5. You’re having a lot of fun. There’s less pressure, so the fun moments are so enjoyable and carefree that you start to wonder if you could actually be serious with him. (Newsflash: you can’t.)
  6. You realize how much energy you’re wasting. When things aren’t fun, you wonder why on earth you’re wasting your precious evening hours with a guy who isn’t even that important to you in the long run.
  7. You’re not sure how to handle other guys. You’re always on the lookout for cute guys, but then you feel sort of guilty for flirting with them because technically, you have a boyfriend.
  8. You’re at expert at keeping your distance. You spend time with him, but you know when it’s time to head home so that you keep your freedom and don’t end up spending all of your time together.
  9. You want someone to save you. If the man of your dreams walked in the door right this second, you wouldn’t even look back. But until he does you’re going to stay here, because someone is better than no one?
  10. You try to make him mad. You really don’t care if he breaks up with you (and sometimes wish he would to save you the trouble), so you act out in weird ways. And then feel bad about it.
  11. You feel like a sham when you’re with his friends. You try to get out of group stuff because you feel so fake knowing that everyone thinks you guys are in it for the long haul.
  12. You constantly question the situation. Some days it seems like the right thing to do and other days it seems like a disaster, but you can’t make up your mind long enough to actually do anything about it.
  13. You dread the breakup. It has to happen eventually, but that doesn’t mean you’re emotionally prepared for it now. In the meantime, you’ll just keep trying to convince yourself that it’s better to wait.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com