Years ago, a friend gave me the following piece of advice: “Don’t make someone your priority so you can be their option.” I’ve carried this saying with me throughout my dating career, because, well, it’s incredibly true. When you’re single, you’ll meet a lot of people who are decent humans, but that doesn’t mean you need to date them. In fact, a lot of these guys are just out to waste your time. Not sure whether you should stick around? Here’s a few surefire signs you should shut this thing down.
1. You’ve been dating for a while and he still won’t call you his girlfriend or have an honest conversation about “titles.”
I’ve never understood what the big deal is about calling someone your girlfriend or (if that term isn’t your jam) openly declaring that you’re dating someone. If he’s dating you, he should want to shout it off of the rooftops. Why? Because you’re awesome. If someone doesn’t share that sentiment, he doesn’t deserve your time.
2. He tells you that he’s not ready to be exclusive yet.
So, you’re just going to keep dating other people and hooking up with randos until some elusive day when you’ll finally decide you just want to date me?! Awesome! Way to make a girl feel special. NOT. If you want to be exclusive with someone and he doesn’t want the same thing, don’t settle for less than what you deserve. It’s never a good use of your time. By sticking around you’re enabling their wishy-washy behaviour. Instead, walk away. If he’s really into you, he’ll come to his senses and follow you. True story.
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4. You can’t be yourself around him.
He’s ridiculously hot and is able to quote all of your favorite Smiths songs, but whenever you hang out, you feel incredibly self-conscious and are tempted to put on three pairs of Spanx before you leave the house. You also spend an inordinate amount of time Facebook stalking other girls he’s dated, trying to get insight into what he’s looking for. Real talk: You’re better than this! We all are. Anyone who inspires you to engage in this kind of nuts behaviour and makes you feel like anything less than the goddess you are is not worth your time.
5. He never makes set plans and only calls or texts you really, really late at night.
Whenever you get a text from him, it’s always late at night and says something like, “Hey, I’m at this bar with my buddy. You should come hang out.” Although there’s something to be said about spontaneity, if someone isn’t willing to ever make plans with you ahead of time, they’re not worth your time.
6. It seems like he has no idea what he wants out of life or love.
One minute he’s talking about how he can’t wait to settle down, get married and pop out a few shorties, the next he’s waxing poetic about how he thinks it would be really cool to hook-up with a bunch of models. Clearly this guy has no idea what he wants and it’s not your responsibility to stick around while he tries to figure it out. You want to be with someone who knows what he wants because you know what you want. End of story.
7. You’ve never hung out with him sober.
I’m sure this guy is a lot of fun to hang out with, but if he never wants to see you when you’re both sober, consider this a major red flag. Walk away. If he really wants to get to know you, he’ll figure out a way to make it happen…. once he’s over his hangover.
8. He never asks you anything about your life, aside from the requisite “How’s it going?”
There’s a word for people like this: self-centered. Time to bounce!
9. He doesn’t see the inherent value in dating you.
The moment you have to prove to someone that you’re worth dating is the moment you should walk away. If someone doesn’t see you for the awesome, lovely, unique flower that you are, they are simply not worth your time. The people who truly appreciate you will go out of their way to date you & be with you. I promise.