If He’s Doing Any Of These Things, He’s Not Sure About You

If He’s Doing Any Of These Things, He’s Not Sure About You ©iStock/JackF

It sucks to be in a relationship and feel like you and your boyfriend might be on totally different pages. Sure, you’re ready for a serious relationship, but he could be totally content with keeping his options open for as long as possible. You’re smart, strong and a total catch, but does realize that? If you’re wondering whether or not he actually likes you, these signs mean he’s probably not sure:

  1. He’s hesitant to introduce you to his friends. When girlfriends are introduced to the group, the dynamic often changes. When they break up, it gets even more awkward, since every single group invite will come with the question of, “Can X and Y get along? Should we only ask one of them to come?” If he’s not sure that you’ll be around for awhile, he’ll hesitate to even introduce you in the first place. In fact, he’ll try his hardest to keep these two aspects of his social life as far apart as possible.
  2. One conversation can often take days. You text him, and he texts back a few hours later. You text back immediately, and hear a response that next morning. The best relationships don’t require people to be attached at the hip at all times, but this kind of behavior is a sign that he has higher priorities than you. I mean, it’s 2016. He’s looking at his phone constantly. He sees your texts.
  3. He’s way too secretive about his phone. He makes sure there’s a good distance between you and his phone at all times. Not only that, he seems to be chatting with other people whenever you hang out together, so much that it feels like you’re somehow the third wheel on a date. If you ask who’s on the other line, the answer is typically “just a friend.”
  4. He gets weird if you mention Facebook status changes. You’ve been on a few dates, but haven’t felt comfortable having “the talk,” let alone the “Facebook talk.” While people are less concerned about being Facebook official these days, you know this guy will never be the first to mention it. Let me turn the tables here, and tell you this: If he really wanted you to be his girlfriend, he’d make sure that terms weren’t miscommunicated, since you being with other guys would break his heart.
  5. He’s vague about his plans. It always seems like you have fun when you hang out, but making plans to hang out in the first place are awful tough. If you ask him what he’s doing that night, he gets a little weird about it. If he’s totally into you, he’d have no problem making sure you’re free this weekend — and will be honest about other plans up front.
  6. He runs hot and cold. Your dude is like a broken faucet. One day he’s amazing, the next he seems distant. If he’s dealing with a bunch of work or family stress, these moods can be explained. But if it happens a ton and you never know what version of this guy you’re going to get, cut your losses. If he was sure about you, he’d be on his best behavior from the start. You deserve better than this, anyway.
  7. He’s still active on Tinder/OKCupid/Bumble/etc. If you met on Match, you can probably expect that he’ll still have a profile — especially if you’re not officially his girlfriend yet. But if his profile is constantly active, realize that he’s putting you on the backburner until something better comes along. You’re not his “one” if he’s still looking around.
  8. He doesn’t seem to be down for any of the plans you make. If you have an idea, he shoots it down each and every time. If it’s his idea, however, he’s all gung ho with having you tag along. Right now, you’re his activity buddy. A real boyfriend will take up your suggestion every once in awhile, to keep things fair — and because he knows it’ll make you happy. Feel free to keep him as a friend and put a halt on the romantic stuff. You’ll both be way happier.
  9. He doesn’t question you further. You mention how awesome your sister is, and he fails to have any kind of follow-up question. Instead of “Where’d she go to college?” or “Are you guys into the same bands?” his response is more of a brush off. He’s not wasting mental energy on things that he doesn’t think will matter to him down the line. A guy who’s totally sure about you will make sure he gets all the details, so he’s not totally unprepared in case he meets your family.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.