If He’s Doing These Things, You’re Not And Probably Won’t Ever Be His Girlfriend

You’ve finally met your dream guy. He’s smart, sexy, funny, and you have no idea how you got so lucky. There’s just one little problem: he hasn’t actually called you his girlfriend yet. Still, you tell yourself, it’s early days and you’re pretty sure that you’re both on the same page — but what if you’re not? If he’s doing these things, you’re probably never going to be official.

  1. You’ve been dating a while, but he’s still flaky AF. You’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks or even months now, and nothing’s changed. He still ‘forgets’ to text you back, is slow at making plans, and cancels at the last minute. Spoiler: If he gave a damn about getting serious with you, now is the time he would show it. No questions, no BS.
  2. He doesn’t text you, but he always sexts you. Forget those, “good morning, baby :)” texts — this guy isn’t about that. The moment he texts you, it’s not to make polite chit-chat or ask about your day. He has a one-track mind so it’s straight down to business — the sexting business, that is. No matter how into it you are right now, you’ve gotta wonder why it’s all you talk about.
  3. He introduces you to people as his “friend.” Let’s say you’re out and about together and he sees some of his friends nearby. How does he introduce you? If he says, “Oh, and this is my friend, [insert your name here],” it’s a big red flag. Sure, you might not have defined the relationship just yet, but “friend”? Really? WTF is that?! I don’t know about you, but I don’t have naked sleepovers with my besties.
  4. When you sleep together, he usually stays at yours. Talking of naked sleepovers, where do you have them? Is this dude weird about you seeing his place? Is it always just “more convenient” for him to come to you to do the deed? If he’s being shady about his place, it’s because he doesn’t want you invading his space. It’s much easier for him to be with you at your house and then go home and forget you exist.
  5. Your dates are always last minute and spontaneous. I’m sorry, but spontaneous dates are anything but romantic. Call me old fashioned, but the three-day rule should still apply here, ladies. If this guy drops you a text to “hang out” on the day of your date, it really isn’t a date. Chances are, he was just feeling a little horny and wanted a quick hookup. When a guy is serious about you, he will make time in his schedule to see you on a regular basis. Plus — and this shouldn’t come as a major shock — he’ll do it in advance!
  6. There’s no way in hell he’d go to a wedding with you. You and I may not see it this way, but (at least in a guy’s eyes) going to a wedding with someone makes things seriously official. If you’ve been invited to a reception with a plus-one, there’s a reason your latest squeeze doesn’t want to go. He likely thinks that the moment he dons his best suit and steps into place with you that it’s game over. In his heart, he isn’t feeling it, but he still wants to be feeling you… literally.
  7. He claims that he’s “busy” and has “a lot going on right now.” Sometimes, guys are just not as straightforward as we’d like them to be. They have little code words that they just love to screw us over with. When a guy tells you he’s “super busy” right now, 90 percent of the time, it’s a damn lie. When he wants to be with you, he’ll make time for you. It doesn’t matter how busy he is, he just will. So, when your special someone doesn’t have time to call you back, reply to your texts, or hit you up on Facebook, maybe you should take the hint.
  8. He avoids introducing you to his friends, coworkers, and family. Have you met his friends and family yet? Actually, thinking about it, have you met anyone in this dude’s life? If the answer is a huge no, alarm bells had better be ringing in your mind right about now. It’s not because he’s shy or doesn’t want to move too fast. That’s just BS he’s feeding you to throw you off the truth. It’s because, to him, you’re no one. He doesn’t need to worry the real people in his life about you because, frankly, you’re not gonna be around long enough to matter.
  9. He won’t DTR no matter how much you beg him. Having “The Talk” with a new guy isn’t easy, but it’s made a whole lot harder when he doesn’t want to have it. If this guy’s telling you he just “doesn’t do labels” or he wants to keep things casual, it’s not because he’s uber chilled out. Think about it. If he doesn’t want to define the relationship, it’s because you’re not in a relationship. And, let’s be honest, if it starts out like this, you probably never will be. Move on.
Charlotte is a freelance writer who's addicted to binge-watching TV, drinking far too much coffee, and writing articles.