My boyfriend’s love for his family was admirable at first. Who wouldn’t love a guy who’s a self-proclaimed family man? But over time, the close bond he shared with his loved ones started causing nothing but problems in our relationship.
I’m never his priority. If his parents need his help or one of his siblings want him to join them on an outing, he’ll cancel plans with me just to hang out with them. His weekends include spending time with his loved ones and sometimes I’m lucky enough to see him every now and then. This makes me feel like I’m not that important to him and I’ll never be a priority in his life. His family will always come first, no matter what.
I’m forced to hang out with them too. Since he spends so much time with them, that means I’m forced to hang out with them as well if I want to see him. Yes, I said forced. They love to do things as a unit, and it’s nice that they invite me to tag along, but sometimes I just want to hang out with my boyfriend. You know, just the two of us. Alone.
They meddle in our relationship and I’m sick of it. He feels the need to tell them every single detail about our relationship and it’s driving me nuts! I’m naturally a very private and guarded person and I like to keep my business to myself. He, on the other hand, spills all of our intimate details to his parents, siblings, and anyone else who’ll listen. I’m tired of his family meddling in our relationship and inputting their two cents when it’s not needed. They’re way too involved in our relationship and I just can’t take it anymore.
They expect us to always be around. My plans for us to jet off for New Year’s Eve were squashed when his family insisted we stay in town to ring in the new year together. Because it’s their tradition to spend every single holiday together, he and I never get to go off and do things on our own. I’m sick of scheduling our lives around them. Why can’t they let us enjoy some alone time?! Not everything has to include them!
Date interruptions are frequent. Whenever we’re out and about, it’s a guarantee that someone in his family will call, text, or email for some dumb reason. They’ll check in on him to see if he’s having fun, ask him a question they could’ve figured out on their own, or call him up just to say hi. His phone’s constantly buzzing whenever we’re together, and whenever I suggest he put his cell phone on silent so we can have some quiet time, he looks at me like I’m completely crazy. Heaven forbid his family doesn’t hear from him every hour on the hour, right?!
I don’t feel like I belong and it sucks. They have so much history together since they’re all related, of course, but this makes me feel like an outsider every time I come around. I always feel like I don’t really belong. I don’t get their inside jokes and they don’t try very hard to make me feel like I’m one of them. No wonder my boyfriend was single for so long before he met me!
I worry about the future. Having his family be involved in our lives is important, but I worry that they may be too involved in our future. Will they stop by unannounced all the time? Will they demand that we spend every single holiday with them? These are things that really cause me to panic. I’m not sure if I’m ready for them to intervene in our day-to-day activities for the rest of our lives. It’s time they back off or our relationship definitely won’t survive.
I feel guilty for feeling this way. They’re amazing and loving people who’ve accepted me into their lives, so of course I feel horrible for being annoyed by their overbearing presence. Maybe I’m the one with the problem?
He’s too emotionally attached. It would be a reach to say I feel cheated out of having a good relationship, but I do believe that he’s way too emotionally attached to his family. When something amazing happens in his life, they’re the first people he reaches out to. And when things aren’t going right, he leans on them for support. So what does that make me? Chopped liver, obviously.
They’re never far away. Even when we’re spending time together one on one, his family’s never too far away. They’re either leaving comments on his social media accounts or he’s telling me a funny story that includes one of his loved ones. They’re basically the unwanted third party in our relationship and I’m fed up! I have the feeling it’s going to be me or them, and I know which one he’ll choose.
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