I Have A High Sex Drive But My Strict Values Keep Me From Enjoying It

I don’t know where it comes from, but I’ve always had a strong sexual appetite. I have an active imagination and some pretty intense desires when it comes to physical intimacy. However, in real life, I’ve always been very conservative in my actual sexual practices and the struggle is real.

  1. I don’t do one-night stands—ever. It’s not my thing, it’s never been, and it never will be. I’ve accepted that I’m not going to be that wild child who hooks up with a guy and later realizes I never even learned his name. That’s not who I am as a person, regardless of how badly I need to get laid.
  2. I get crabby when I’m single because that means no sex. Since I’m no good at the casual dating game, if I’m single, it means I’m very single, as in totally celibate. It sucks, quite honestly. I’d like to be different so that I had more sex, but I’m never going to be able to sleep with some guy I think is just OK.
  3. I want to be more sexually free but I just can’t. I have no idea where all these morals came from but at this point, I’m pretty sure they’re here to stay. Every time I tell myself to just get out there and get some, I literally can’t make myself do it. It’s seriously annoying and I hate it, but that’s just the way it is.
  4. I don’t drink anymore, which makes letting go even more difficult. I don’t need alcohol to have fun, but admittedly it would probably help to lower my inhibitions when it comes to approaching men I don’t know. I’m never going to meet anyone if I keep to myself all the time, but that’s what I do anyway.
  5. I can’t bring myself to sleep with people I don’t want to date. I envy my friends who can see sex for what it is and compartmentalize it into a place that doesn’t involve any sort of romantic feeling. They have an easy time conducting casual sexual partnerships and I definitely don’t.
  6. I want to get laid, but never badly enough to deal with all the other BS. There are a lot of other issues that come along with sex, and I’m loath to go there. The baggage that it brings up often leaves me wishing I had stayed celibate. Because I know this, I usually end up not having any sex at all.
  7. I don’t trust anyone with my sexual health. It’s difficult enough to be able to trust someone I’ve known a while, let alone a virtual stranger. No thanks. I know from experience that people will say or do anything to get laid, including lying about their sexual health and history. I’d rather abstain than end up with an STD.
  8. I love sex but find casual sex unfulfilling. It sucks to be a physical human being who enjoys pleasure as much as I do but who also gets no joy from sex that’s nothing but physical pleasure. I’m in tune with my emotions enough to know better than to have meaningless intercourse with someone who doesn’t care about me.
  9. If I am with someone, I want to have sex all the time. Let’s say I do end up liking someone enough to start sleeping with and dating him. I can become really irritated if his sex drive isn’t as high as mine, and I also tend to let sex take over my life, at least for a while. I get addicted after not having any for so long!
  10. I’m so excited when I find a guy I want to date that I jump into bed ASAP. The problem with not having much sex between serious relationships is that when I finally find a dude I can stand, I want to get into bed immediately. Yeah, it’s good to know that we have sexual chemistry, but my impatience seriously complicates everything.
  11. I can’t seem to reconcile the two sides of my sexual personality. Clearly they oppose each other, but they’re both integral parts of who I am. I’ve never been able to get them to match up—the closest I can get is finding one person I want to have sex with all the time, but that can be tough. I’m still hopeful I’ll meet my sexual match and never have to worry about it again.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.