His Infidelity Isn’t Your Fault — Period

Getting cheated on is one of the most painful experiences, and what’s even worse is when your partner tries to blame you for his infidelity. No matter what he says, though, this is why you’re never, ever to blame for his decision to cheat:

  1. You couldn’t have prevented it. Even if you were at his beck and call whenever he needed you and gave him the most amazing sex of his life every single day, you still wouldn’t have been able to prevent his desire to stray. Forget those magazine articles about how to keep your man happy — there’s no guaranteed way to do this, and you shouldn’t have to work so hard to keep a guy, anyway. He should want to commit to you easily.
  2. It’s not your responsibility to make him faithfulYou shouldn’t have to be a policeman in your relationship, ensuring that you always know where he is so that you can keep him in check. That’s BS. A guy who wants to cheat will find a way to do it. If he’s showing signs of not being committed or being interested in other women, it’s not your responsibility to try to change him.
  3. He could have made a better choice. He had so many other choices he could have made instead of cheating. For instance, if he’s claiming there was an issue in your relationship that caused him to stray, then why didn’t he work on it instead of jumping into bed with another woman? Cheating is never a solution — it just makes things worse.
  4. The other woman isn’t better than you. If he blames you for his infidelity, it could also make you wonder how you fall short in comparison to the other woman. But the other woman is rarely a Victoria’s Secret model with an amazing personality. Don’t believe him when he makes you feel you weren’t enough or when he plays up her great qualities. That’s a crappy way for him to be. If he tries picking on your so-called flaws, he could just be trying to show that you’re not perfect either to soothe his own guilt. But don’t fall for it. You’re better than him and deserve more than what he’s giving you.
  5. It’s not about bad sex. Forget the BS that a guy will have sex with another woman because he’s not satisfied sexually. If a guy does this, he’s a jerk. Plain and simple. If the sex wasn’t satisfactory, then he could have worked on it or just broken up with you before cheating. There’s no excuse for him to go sleeping around like a jerk.
  6. He’s taking the easy way out. It’s convenient to blame you for his cheating — it means that he can throw the responsibility off his shoulders and onto you. What a lying scumbag! He’s the only one who has to man up and face what he’s done. If he can’t do that, he’s a coward.
  7. It’s probably not the first time. Cheaters tend to repeat their bad actions. So if he cheated on his ex before you, does that mean she too was to blame for it? BS. It’s starting to sound a little too convenient for this guy to keep blaming the women he’s dating for his inability to stay faithful. The problem is with him.
  8. He wants to make you the bad guy. Cheaters have lots of issues, and not just that they can’t be faithful. They’re often selfish and liars, never thinking about their partner’s feelings. So if he’s denying what he did or making you out to be the bad guy, he’s just trying to shift the blame instead of dealing with his issues. But how are his issues your problem? It’s crap he has to deal with — not you — and it’s unfair of him to drag you into his drama.
  9. He might project onto you. It’s weird how sometimes cheaters will project their infidelity onto you by accusing you of being unfaithful. It’s a cheap shot to make themselves feel better or give them validation for their actions. By saying “You probably cheated on me first,” it makes them seem like they were merely reacting to your non-existent infidelity. Even if you innocently flirted with another guy in the past, it doesn’t excuse your partner for what he’s done.
  10. He might try to appeal to your kindness. Instead of attacking or blaming you, some cheaters might actually do something totally different: play the victim card. When you confront them, they’ll tell you how they feel so insecure in the relationship or how they haven’t felt sexually appealing because you haven’t slept with them, or something else that accuses you but focuses on how hurt they are. Oh, cry me a river! It’s a clever manipulation tactic that makes you see them as the poor victim in all this so that you can feel bad and forgive them, and perhaps even try to be the better GF. Don’t get sucked into his lies!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.