If You’re Holding Out Hope That Your FWB Will Get Serious With You, Stop

If You’re Holding Out Hope That Your FWB Will Get Serious With You, Stop ©iStock/BraunS

While having an FWB can be amazing if you’re not looking for an actual relationship, it’s terrible if you are. In the history of men, zero of them have ever been nervous about asking a girl to get serious after seeing her sans clothing — so if that’s the reason you’re banking on, it’s best you know now. Here’s why your relationship isn’t going to progress:

  1. You’ve already proven that you’re cool with the way things are. Obviously, you’ve had the FWB conversation before. In it, you probably presented yourself as a cool girl who didn’t need a man in her life. While it’s true — or at least, it was true at the time before you developed feelings — he’s holding onto that statement.
  2. He’s made his intentions pretty clear. The FWB arrangement isn’t for everyone, for reasons just like this. When a guy tells you that he’s not looking for something serious, he means it. He’s just looking for the temporary companionship, not a total love connection. Just like you’d never let a guy change you, you also can’t change a guy. If you find yourself catching feelings, you should let him know ASAP — that way, you can end it on good terms and avoid getting hurt.
  3. You’ve already skipped ahead a few levels. Yes, some people end up marrying a guy who was once just a one-night stands, but there’s a huge difference between a random hookup and regularly sleeping with a friend. There’s still a lot of “getting to know you” with the one-nighter, while with a FWB, it’s more of an, “I know you, I’ve slept with you, and I guess now I have to awkwardly fill this in with romance” type of situation. That’s both a long sentence and a long order to fulfill.
  4. There might be a level of trust missing. That sounds terrible, especially since throughout your life, you’re allowed to sleep with as many or as few people as you’d like. But, if he’s willing to get in bed with you without a prior romantic connection, you might not trust the other sexual connections he’s made. It’s totally the pot calling the kettle black, but it does happen — and it goes both ways.
  5. He may have another FWB situation happening simultaneously. Listen, I don’t know this guy, but if he’s got a casual hookup happening with you and two other girls, he’s not going to drop them and make things exclusive with just you. In his eyes, he already has a good thing going — why change it?
  6. Serious guys don’t seek out casual relationships. Nothing hurts more than knowing your crush, or potential girlfriend, is sleeping with other guys. An FWB situation doesn’t lock you down — and, as mentioned above, you could have two going on simultaneously without being labeled as a cheater. If he actually wanted a real relationship, he’d have made sure that wasn’t a possibility from day one.
  7. He’s simply not looking for anything steady. That’s why he’s in this FWB situation. Not only is he not looking to get serious with you, but he’s not looking to get serious with any girl. If you push him for more, you’ll only regret it — remember, if you have to force someone into a relationship, they’re going end up being a really crappy boyfriend.
  8. He might be bad with commitment in general. It’s amazing to have a friend with benefits if you suck at commitment. It’s a solid arrangement for people who are bad at staying faithful to someone for a long period of time. If he fits into this category, the last thing he’ll want to do is get into a committed relationship. It’s the kiss of death for him.
  9. He won’t risk being the guy who ends the arrangement.  Simply put, the FWB connection commonly ends when someone develops greater feelings, or someone wants to pursue an outside situation a bit more seriously. If things have been going fine for some time, this guy isn’t going to be the person to try and change things. Not only does he risk losing you, but he risks feeling vulnerable or open to disappointment. Even if this guy truly defies all odds and is passionately in love with you, he’s terrified to go off script and amend the original verbal contract.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.