Holding Off On Sex Doesn’t Make Me A Prude, It Makes Me Smart

I’ve been called a prude and a bitch more times than I count just because I believe in holding off on sex. Judge me if you want, but it’s my body and it’s a smart choice. In a society where sex doesn’t seem to mean anything anymore, I feel like some rare unicorn — but I refuse to give into societal pressure.

  1. I want to know more about you than your penis size. I barely know your name, so why the hell would I care about your junk just yet? When my friends ask about my date, I’d like to tell them about your personality, what you do for a living or what you do in your free time — not about mediocre sex. Let’s face it, first date sex usually isn’t anything to brag about.
  2. I don’t know who you’ve been with. I don’t care what your number is, but I do care whether you’re clean or not. Taking some time to get to know you lets me learn whether you’re lying or not when I ask about diseases. I want an honest answer. My health is important to me and I’m not about to risk it just because you’re too horny to tell me the truth. Limiting my number of partners isn’t prudish, it’s a smart way to stay healthier. After all, I’ve never seen people lining up to get a disease.
  3. I’m not risking getting knocked up if all you want is sex. It’s fine if all you want is a casual thing, but that’s not what I want. I’m holding off on sex to make sure you’re mature enough to handle any consequences that might happen. I don’t need someone in my life that’s going to bolt if the condom breaks. Show me you’re a mature adult who wants more than sex and we just might take that next step.
  4. I want to see if you’re actually into me. Are you into me or just my body? Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that you’re attracted to me physically, but I want more than that. Waiting gives me the chance to see if you actually like me. It doesn’t matter how great the sex is if we can’t get along outside the bedroom. I’m not wasting my energy on someone who doesn’t like me fully dressed.
  5. I’d like to build a real relationship before jumping into bed. It’s impossible to build a real relationship on the first date or even first dozen dates. Building a relationship is its own form of intimacy. Let’s focus on the important part first — getting to know each other. If it turns into sex later, that’s great, but I’ve got my priorities straight.
  6. If you can’t respect my decision, you’ll never respect me. If you’re going to get pissed because I want to wait, you’re obviously not right for me. If you can’t respect an important decision like that, you’ll never respect me at all. Odds are, we’d sleep together a few times and I’d never hear from you again. Sorry, but I prefer guys who actually value me.
  7. Waiting just makes it better when it does happen. I know it sounds cliche, but waiting makes it so much better. There’s so much anticipation. Plus, I actually care about you and despite what some people might say, having feelings for someone beforehand does make sex better.
  8. I’m more interested in quality over quantity. I’m not interested in having a high number. Give me quality over quantity any day. I’ve been called a prude and inexperienced for this opinion, but who cares. I could sleep with a dozen guys or just one a dozen times. Guess what the smarter choice for me is? Being with one person gives me the chance to learn what they like and vice versa. More people just means the same intro moves over and over again. That’s just boring.
  9. I want to see how I feel before getting too attached. I don’t care what anyone says, but sex changes things in a relationship. I don’t want sex clouding my judgment. I want to see how I actually feel about you before being any more intimate.
  10. It’s not prudish for me to control my urges. I’m not a robot. Of course I have urges. Giving in to every urge isn’t smart; holding back is what makes me smart. It’d be the same as calling someone who works hard to buy the things they want lazy but praising a thief. I don’t judge you for your sexual preferences, so don’t judge me.
  11. I view sex as special and if you don’t, then you’re not worth my time. I’ve always seen sex as something special. It’s more than just physical. It’s emotional too. If sex doesn’t mean anything more to you than two naked bodies slapping together then it’s not going to happen. Waiting gives me the chance to see if sex means anything to you or not.
  12. I want to see your other moves before we get naked. The main act is great, but I want to see what else you can do first. I could save myself from horrible sex if we spend some quality time kissing and groping first. If you can’t get me turned on by doing the basics, I know it’s pointless to have sex.
  13. If I sleep with everyone I date, why would anyone bother to stay? Jumping in bed with every date early on doesn’t give the relationship time to grow. We both got off and we don’t know enough about each other to talk, so why stay? I want to narrow down my options, so by holding off on sex, it’s easy to see who actually wants a relationship with me or not.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.