Marriages are built on love, companionship, and trust. No one gets married expecting to fall out of love with their partner, and they don’t think they’ll get divorced someday. That said, 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Even more linger on with both people unhappy. So, why do some men stay in unhealthy marriages?
1. They still think their partner is attractive.
Unfortunately, one of the most compelling factors for men to remain in unsatisfactory marriages is their continued attraction to their partner. Many men will weigh how much they value their spouse’s attractiveness versus their happiness. Often, men will stick with an attractive partner if they don’t think they can find a more attractive partner when they’re single.
2. The physical side of the relationship is too good to give up.
Sometimes men will stay in a relationship because they get something physical out of it. They don’t need to put in the effort to have a physical relationship in their marriage like they would if they were single. If the bedroom activities are good enough, men will put up with extra stress in other aspects of the relationship. So, just as sex can be a reason men leave relationships, it can be a reason they stay.
3. They’re in denial.
Many men act out in denial to deal with their unhappiness. They won’t acknowledge it, so they’ll endure their marriage rather than look for a solution. They’ll convince themselves that they aren’t unhappy because of their partner—instead, they’re unhappy because of some unrelated reason. They’ll do anything they can to convince themselves that their unhappiness is caused by any reason other than their marriage.
4. They stay for the kids.
A common rationale as to why men remain in unsatisfying marriages revolves around their concern for their kid’s well-being. They choose to stay with their spouse believing that it serves the best interests of their children. Sadly, this situation can result in not only the man’s unhappiness but also adversely affect the children. Children are perceptive and can tell when their parent’s relationship lacks harmony.
5. There are Financial issues.
Finances can put a massive strain on marriages. Not only is it one of the leading causes of divorce, but it’s also one of the reasons men stay in an unhappy marriage. Divorces, spousal support, and child support are all super expensive and if the man’s not the breadwinner, this could become a pricey problem.
6. They have a fear of loneliness.
For some men, the fear of loneliness is more terrifying than being with someone that makes you unhappy. As men age, they often grow apart from friends and don’t stay as close to family members. As a result, their entire social life is built around their marriage. If they got a divorce, they wouldn’t have much of a social life, and fearing this kind of loneliness, many men stay in loveless marriages.
7. They want to keep her for themselves.
This thought process is jealously talking. A man might not want his wife anymore, but that doesn’t mean he wants anyone else to have her. In his mind, he might think that filing for divorce is giving permission to another man to have his wife. It’s an incredibly possessive and archaic reason not to get a divorce, but it’s real.
8. They fear change.
The prospect of change instills fear, and few changes rival the magnitude of divorce. Men often delay addressing marital unhappiness out of reluctance to initiate a significant upheaval in their lives. They may avoid action for years, eventually concluding that they’re better off sticking with their partner.
9. They feel committed.
People are making a commitment when they get married. Some people take their vows very seriously, even more than their personal happiness. So, some men would rather stay in an unhappy marriage than give up on that deep commitment.
10. They’re religious.
Many men hold religious beliefs, and the sanctity of marriage is a big part of many religions. In Christianity, for example, divorce is a sin that will land you a one-way ticket to you-know-where. Fearing divine judgment, many men will stay in unhappy marriages.
11. They don’t think there are any other options out there.
The fear of the unknown is a strong influence on men. A man may acknowledge his dissatisfaction with his marriage but prefer it to solitude. If he believes any relationship (even an unhappy one) is better than being alone and doubts his ability to get another partner, he will stay in his current relationship.
12. They don’t have a support network.
Most people don’t get divorced without first talking it through with someone close to them. Whether it’s friends or family members, people need support to feel comfortable making such a huge decision. Many men don’t have a group of people they can lean on which makes it hard to have the confidence to leave.
13. They hope things will get better.
Everyone who gets a divorce loved their partner at one point. Even if they’re unhappy now, it’s still a sad thing to think that someone they once loved may soon be a stranger. Because that can be too hard of a truth to swallow, some men cling to the hope that things will improve rather than end the marriage.
14. They don’t want to be judged.
No one likes being judged—a man in an unhappy relationship might wonder if it’s worth it to endure the judgment from friends and family members if he files for divorce. Many men are often blamed for marriages falling apart and people who aren’t close to him may assume he cheated or treated the wife wrong in some way. Additionally, if he has kids with his partner, it’s very common for the wife to win custody, and for the kids to side with the wife. If he thinks it’ll be too much to deal with, he’ll choose to endure the marriage for longer.
15. They’re holding onto the past.
Most marriages don’t start unhappy, they slowly deteriorate to that point. Men will have happy memories of how they met, their first date, their marriage, having kids, and all the quiet simple moments they spent laughing together. A marriage doesn’t end overnight and, for men, it can be hard to end a chapter of their life that was probably mostly positive. They’ll hold onto nostalgia for longer than they should and end up more miserable.
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