I Honestly Don’t Understand How To Date Like An Adult

I Honestly Don’t Understand How To Date Like An Adult

I’m a grown woman, but I still approach romance like I’m barely in my 20s. I don’t know if it’s because of the dating culture around me or what, but I have no idea what traditional dating even looks like anymore. It makes me feel super awkward. Here’s why I feel like I have no clue:

  1. I never go on real dates. I don’t know if it’s just me or if people in my age group don’t date anymore, but I’ve hardly ever been taken out by a man. I guess I always date guys who have no money or no imagination. Often we’re friends first as well, or we work together, so it just happens. I don’t even know how to go on a normal date.
  2. I’m never officially asked out. I never get asked out by anyone. I wait patiently but it never happens and I get tired of being single. I need to at least get laid, dammit. This leads to a bad pattern of me easing into casual hookup situations and still not getting asked out.
  3. I can’t find a guy who doesn’t just want to Netflix and chill. I would love to be romanced, but I swear that men who do that don’t exist anymore. They want to be as lazy and cheap as possible, which means I never get treated like a grown woman. It’s frustrating as can be.
  4. If I do amazingly get asked on a date, I’m awkward AF. I’m so unused to going out on actual dates that I have no idea how to behave on one. I’m nervous and anxious and weird. It’s like it takes me aback to even be asked. How sad is that?
  5. I fall into casual dating. It’s so easy to do, no matter how hard I try to go about it differently. I want to date like an adult but apparently, I choose all the wrong men. It must be the places I hang out and the company I keep. I obviously need to stop meeting guys through friends and at work, but I don’t know how else to do it.
  6. I’m afraid to get excited about new guys. I keep trying to play it cool, even though that’s not really me. I feel like if I’m too enthusiastic right away, guys run. I don’t want to play games but I don’t know what else to do.
  7. I end up sucking at communication. I’d like to communicate clearly, but I get nervous and worried. I’m so in my head about how I should act that I stop explaining myself at all. I get flustered and everything I want to say goes out the window. It’s either that or I put off talking about stuff for too long.
  8. I don’t want to come across as crazy. It’s so weird not to know how I’m expected to be. Ideally, I could act exactly like myself, but that doesn’t ever feel like it works out. I want to have someone like me for me. Is that so awful? I wouldn’t think so.
  9. I overthink everything. I get really in my head and overanalyze everything that’s going on, especially when I’m first dating someone. I want to be a grown-up but I feel like a giddy, silly, confused teenager. I know that the guy involved never has any clue that I’m worrying so much.
  10. I expect guys to want to talk as much as I do. I don’t know what to think when a guy doesn’t communicate with me a lot. I feel like we’ll never get to know each other—I have no patience. I’m not used to a normal pace when it comes to the beginning of a relationship because I always jump in too fast. I’m trying to change but it’s really hard.
  11. I get paranoid that guys will lose interest in me. If a guy doesn’t pay me consistent attention, I don’t know how to react. Guys ghost out so frequently these days that if there’s any hint of a change, I worry that they aren’t into me anymore. I don’t want to constantly question them but I don’t know how else I can feel secure.
  12. I want a guy to want me more than I want him. I feel like the only way to ensure that I’m comfortable in the relationship is to find a dude who likes me way more than I like him. I know that’s not at all an adult way to proceed, but I don’t want to be at a disadvantage. I’m tired of feeling like the only one who cares.
  13. I have a preconceived idea of how relationships are supposed to be. I know how I think dating should look, but that’s not necessarily accurate when it comes to real life. I freak out if things don’t go how I think they should. That’s because I don’t know how to have a normal, healthy, mature partnership.
  14. I’m easily disappointed and bad at hiding it. I have high expectations—I’m perfectly clear about that. I try not to do it because I know it’s a losing situation, but I get disappointed when men don’t meet those expectations. The problem is I end up mostly unhappy so obviously, I need to calm down and assess the individual situation.
  15. I have a tough time separating my sense of self-worth from my dating life. This is why I’m always happier single. I know who I am and I like that person until some guy gets involved in the mix. Then I childishly revert to my dysfunctional norm of wanting constant approval and validation from my partner. I’m working on it, but it’s tough to change decades of messed-up thinking.
  16. I’m not great at balancing my regular life and dating. This is the other reason I hardly ever date – I don’t know how to make time. It’s always said that if a guy is worth it, you’ll figure it out, but I don’t know. I simply have no room in my life for one more element. I know that this immature line of thinking might cause me to stay forever alone.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She hopes that they resonate with you or at the very least make you chuckle a bit. She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and The Indie Chicks.