I Hooked Up With My BFF’s Ex, Never Told Her, And Now They’re Back Together

When my BFF broke up with her boyfriend, I was thrilled. I never liked him and always thought she was too good for him. But when I ran into him at an event a few weeks after they broke up, things took an unexpected turn. Here’s how I found myself hooking up with my best friend’s ex… and what happened when they inevitably got back together.

  1. Apparently, there’s a fine line between hating someone and being totally turned on by them. From the moment my BFF started dating this guy, I never got along with him. He was arrogant and seemed totally wrong for her and it was clear that he didn’t like me much either. But sometimes hating someone and wanting to bone them is the same thing. I hadn’t noticed the attraction when he and my friend were together, but when we ran into each other that night, sparks flew.
  2. My BFF and I never made one of those pacts so I was able to make excuses. A lot of friends make pacts with each other about not sleeping with each other’s exes or siblings or crushes, but my friend and I never did this. But after sleeping with my her ex, I feel like I’ve totally betrayed her, pact or no pact.
  3. The worst part is that it was actually a really good hookup. If it had been a boring hookup, maybe it would’ve been less painful, but it was actually amazing. The chemistry was insane, and we both felt it. I didn’t like him any better at the end of it but, to be honest, I kind of wanted to keep it going.
  4. It wasn’t as casual for him as I thought it would be. The one thing I hadn’t anticipated was that he would be the one to get emotionally involved. As far as I was concerned, it was just an above average hookup that didn’t mean anything but afterward, he seemed reluctant to leave and even asked if I had feelings for him, which was a little awkward. Maybe he was still hurting from the breakup with my friend, but it made me wonder if what had just happened was more than just a hookup.
  5. But at least it was just once…right? We only slept together once and then cut it off right away, so that should make it better. At least it didn’t go on for weeks behind my friend’s back, right? But somehow, the fact that it was only a one-time thing doesn’t make me feel any better about it. Maybe if it had meant something, it would have been more justifiable. If we’d been in love with each other. we would have had an excuse. But somehow, the fact that it was so casual on my part makes it feel even worse.
  6. Sometimes the toughest guys are the ones who take the longest to move on.  When he and my friend were dating the first time around, I would never have guessed in a million years that he’d be the type to get emotional about a hookup, but now, three weeks later, they’re back together and he still texts me sometimes to ask how I am. I’ve never responded, and I don’t know how I can cut him off anymore clearly. I hooked up with him thinking that he’d forget it by the next morning, but apparently he’s not as shallow or tough as I thought.
  7. Is there a friend equivalent to cheating? As hard as it is knowing that I hurt someone I thought was just a casual hookup, it’s nothing compared to how painful it is that I’ve done something that could hurt my best friend. Going behind someone’s back with her boyfriend/ex is one of the worst ways you can betray a best friend, and it’s one of those things that doesn’t just go away with time.
  8. My BFF still doesn’t know. Neither of us have told her yet, and he says he never will, but if I was in her shoes, I would definitely want to know something like that. Her boyfriend and I always avoided each other when they were together the first time, so it’s nothing new for her for us to not want to be around each other, but it still feels really uncomfortable to be hiding something so important from her.
  9. He says that if I tell her, his relationship with her will be over, but if I don’t tell her, my relationship with her will be over. He’s texted me repeatedly, telling me that I can’t tell her what happened because it will end their relationship, but there’s no way I can be her closest friend when she doesn’t know what happened between us. Is it selfish to break up their relationship just so I can feel better about what I did and maybe even keep her as my friend?
  10. Boyfriends come and go, but a true best friend is forever. Honestly guys, boyfriends are expendable. There will always be more dudes, but real friends are hard to come by, and allowing a guy to get between you and your bestie (metaphorically speaking, thank God) is a huge mistake that you’ll absolutely end up regretting. In the end, the close relationship that you have with your BFF will transcend a lot. If you betray her, don’t do what I did. Tell them immediately and allow them to be angry and hate you for awhile, but don’t ruin a friendship by keeping secrets. It’s too important for that.
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.