I was friends with him for years, ever since we were kids in school, and there was always an attraction between us but we never had the opportunity to pursue it. He was dating when I wasn’t and vice versa but eventually, the opportunity finally presented itself. All of a sudden, it was ON… but the hookup didn’t quite end up being what I’d originally hoped for.
HE WAS SUCH A GOOD KISSER. We’d kissed several times in the past and, each time, it felt so right… but the time and the place never were. This time around, we were alone in his house. When he kissed me, the heat that I’d always felt prior to that moment was taken up a notch because we both knew what was coming. There was passion, there was fire, and I never wanted the kiss to end. We’d waited for this night for a long time and by then, I was kinda desperate to get into his pants.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS THERE. I always assumed we’d get it on eventually. There was always a “what if?” hanging in the air whenever we spent time together. You know when you’re talking to someone you like and you’re almost afraid to look at him because every time you make eye contact, it feels like your eyes are going to burn out of their sockets? We always had THAT. I remember thinking several times that we’d be perfect #couplegoals. We never fought and as a romantic partner, he seemed too good to be true.
WE’D FLIRTED AND SEXTED IN THE PAST. We’d sexted each other a number of times prior to our hookup, and each time with absolute filth. If his sexts were anything to go by, I’d be in for a wild night that I’d never forget. He was flirty, he was forward, and it was obvious he wanted me as much as I wanted him. He described everything he wanted to do to me in vivid detail and I couldn’t wait until the moment that he could carry it all out for real.
THE DISAPPOINTMENT WAS REAL. When we actually got down to it, it started off good. I remember feeling so relieved that we could finally get on with it after all the hoping and longing. The kissing led to fooling around which led to having sex. However, it was over just as soon as it began. Essentially, all the pent-up sexual angst had amounted to nothing.
IT FELL COMPLETELY FLAT. In all honesty, the whole situation was just plain weird. There were limbs everywhere. It wasn’t just the fact that he didn’t seem to know what he was doing; it was the fact that we didn’t seem to gel at all in the bedroom. Perhaps it was the anxiety, or maybe we just weren’t sexually compatible. Either way, it was awkward AF. That fire I felt during all the makeout sessions we’d had before burned right out.
WE GAVE IT ANOTHER GO. God loves a trier! After the initial disappointing hookup, we took a few moments to compose ourselves and had a stiff drink to calm the old nerves. We decided that we’d waited years for this, we weren’t about to give up at the first hurdle. We kissed again and the fire began to flicker back to life… but the flicker wasn’t strong enough to be sustainable.
IT WAS OBVIOUS THERE WASN’T A SEXUAL SPARK. The flickering fire soon burned out again as soon as we went from kissing to hooking up. It just wasn’t happening. I put everything into it but I couldn’t make our sexual chemistry stronger when it obviously wasn’t there in the first place. It was a daunting realization but clearly, we were better off as friends.
I WAS EXPECTING SO MUCH MORE. He wasn’t just anybody to me. He was the guy that would always be there for me, no matter what. When I broke up with boyfriends, when I fell out with my girlfriends, when my family was arguing—I talked through it all with him. He was always the guy I could fall back on if I wanted a bit of a flirt, or if I wanted someone to make me feel better. I cared for him deeply and I could tell that the feeling was mutual.
IT FELT LIKE FALSE ADVERTISING. It wasn’t either of our faults, but I remember feeling so incredibly frustrated that I just wanted to scream! All of the great conversations that we had, all those dirty sexts we sent, all the electric kisses—they were all for nothing. Sure, we had the emotional connection down, but what about the physical side of the relationship? To me, that was just as important, and it simply wasn’t there.
WE HAVEN’T TRIED TO HOOK UP SINCE. It was such a shame, but I felt like there was no point in hooking up again. In my opinion, hooking up should never be something you have to work at—certainly not in the beginning anyway! The heat and the passion should be the most intense initially, when the relationship is new and exciting and you’re both still exploring your sexual connection. With this guy, maybe we were never supposed to be anything more than friends. Maybe we were being greedy, trying to force a romance that wasn’t there. Or maybe the romance was there but we’d left it too long before we ever pursued anything so we went too far into the friend zone. Who knows? Regardless, I’m glad that we tried.
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