If you feel like you’re going to lose your mind searching for a decent partner in the sea of people who only want an easy orgasm, I’m totally with you. And honestly, I’m not the only guy out there looking for something real. Here’s how you skip the guys who just want to mess around and find someone who’s looking for the same type of quality partnership that you are:
Don’t waste time on losers. Getting some tool to want to have sex with you is easy. But you’re never going to convince someone who’s “just really into taking it one day at a time” into a proper relationship. They won’t be happy since they’re being persuaded into something they have no interest in, and you won’t be happy because they’ll inevitably make terrible long-term partners. Serious guys actually want to be in a long-term relationship. If you have to put on the hard sell, move on to better prospects.
Go on dates during the day. You know where guys who are only looking to hook up go on dates? Bars and clubs. You know when? 11 pm or later. You know what people who want to actually be in a long-term relationship do on dates? They get coffee. At 10 am. On a Sunday. There are plenty of amazing things to do during the day with your budding love interest. Plan those sorts of dates, and you’ll weed out the serious guys from the lousy ones pretty fast.
Be honest about what you’re looking for. Now I’m not saying that the first words out of your mouth should be about potential baby names, because that’s what a crazy person does. But as soon as you know that you want to eventually progress your new found love to a more serious place, let him know. Either he’ll be excited about where it’s going, or he’ll let you know that he’s not interested in that. Either way, you’ll know where you stand or if it’s time to move on.
Don’t pretend that a non-date is actually a date. Please, don’t waste time with non-starters. When some rando dude texts you at 2 am, you are NOT going over for a ‘spontaneous cardio date’. I’m not judging, but if I text a lady at 2 am, it’s not because I woke from a slumber with a desire for a long-term relationship with her. It’s cool if you’re after some casual adult fun, but don’t pretend it’s anything else.
Listen and engage with who you’re with. One of the easiest ways to find a serious guy is to engage and listen to the people you’re with. Let go of FOMO and just embrace being where you are, whether you’re on a date or just out with your girlfriends. That sort of present mindfulness is outrageously attractive to us guys who are looking for something a bit more serious than a fling.
Don’t go to your usual hookup buddy because it’s comfortable. Yes, you get to binge on pizza and beer afterward, and yes, he knows all the right buttons to push. But honestly, you both know that you’re just friends. Fun friends, but friends nonetheless. If you’re always running back to hang out with him when there’s no future, then you’re just wasting your time.
Don’t waste time on exes. They’re exes for a reason. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that there’s something there when there isn’t. I mean, how many great couples do you know that have a beautiful off-again-on-again love story? Probably not that many. You’ll never find a new, more serious partner if you’re still hung up on the past.
Don’t bother getting set up by your well-meaning friend. They always mean well, but it so rarely pays off. If your friend has set you up with totally incompatible friends more than once, then it’s time to be ‘busy’ whenever they suggest a friend who you just have to meet. Or just be honest: “We’re really good friends, but whenever you set me up, it goes terribly. Please, for the love of humanity, stop.”
Ask him what he wants. Be forward – ask him what he’s looking for and tie him to a solid answer. Sometimes, we’re just not looking for anything serious. You have to be ready to accept that the one who you thought was your future soulmate just isn’t looking for that right now.
Put in the work. If you’re looking for a serious guy who you can have an actual relationship with, then you need to accept the reality that you’ve already culled a lot of guys from your list. It’s not always going to be easy to find a decent guy amidst all the dudes who just want to get laid, but if you give up now, you’re never going to find a man who’s worth your time.
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