We text, we talk, we hang out – but do we actually go on dates anymore? How we know we’re not just collecting a bunch of new friends? Isn’t anyone attracted to anyone? Here’s how I hope we’ll date in 2016 — I may have high expectations but I don’t think it’s asking for too much.
- We’ll go on dinner dates. There’s something so old-fashioned about meeting someone for dinner. It’s much more formal than just grabbing drinks, but it’s not a death sentence – if your first date is boring, you still don’t have to see him ever again. I hope we bring back dinner dates in 2016 because they’re a charming way to chat and get to know someone. Plus, dinner is classy and an obvious date. None of this “chillin’” and “hanging out” please.
- We’ll laugh at ourselves more. I seem to have the same kinds of dates over and over again, and instead of getting frustrated or thinking I’m never going to meet anyone, I picture myself in my own Seinfeld or Friends episode. It’s surprisingly effective. Having a sense of humor makes your life much more bearable and it’ll also make you a more attractive partner. When guys are going on insane marriage rants 10 minutes after you meet them or say they’re confused that you’re a writer, you have to laugh.
- We’ll seriously lower our expectations. This is the hardest thing to do. I get it. We want to meet someone who shares our values and positive outlook on life. No one wants to walk into a first date thinking it’s going to suck – why even leave your house? But in 2016, I really hope that we can view first dates as just that – the first time that we meet someone. No more, no less. Maybe we think they’re awesome and want to see them again. Maybe we don’t. But it would be cool if we stopped feeling so terrible after bad dates.
- We’ll control what we can. There’s only so much we can control when it comes to love. We can’t force someone to feel the same way or for a magical connection to appear out of nowhere. But we can stop ourselves from making the same mistakes. If you don’t like someone’s treatment, remove them from your life ASAP instead of waiting a few more dates to see if things will improve (spoiler alert: they won’t).
- We’ll be more honest. Honestly was always the best policy… until it wasn’t. Now we become ghosts if we’re not into someone and play it cool when we are. Why do we do this? Why are even in the dating scene if we’re not going to be upfront about what we want? I’m sure won’t answer this question in 2016 (or anytime soon, unfortunately) but we can try.
- We’ll cut ourselves more slack. It’s okay to break up with someone when things just don’t feel great anymore and it’s okay to want to stay single a little bit longer. It’s okay to date someone casually because you’re into them but not sure they’re long-term relationship material just yet. It’s okay to go on tons of dates and never see anyone a second time. Basically, it’s all okay, so let’s agree to love ourselves a bit more in 2016.
- We’ll enjoy the process. Sounds pretty insane. How can you enjoy something that is so utterly nerve-racking and mostly awful? How can you actually like meeting strangers that you may have literally nothing to talk about with? Attitude is everything. I hope that next year, you can proudly go on date after date, no matter what the outcome. You’re putting yourself out there, you’re trying, and that counts for something.
- We’ll trust our gut. A pretty common situation: you have an okay first date. It’s not ridiculously fun but it’s not the worst night you’ve ever had, either. You figure you’ll give the guy a chance and see him a second time. But the second date is not much better and you realize you should have trusted your instincts. Let’s stop second-guessing ourselves and give ourselves permission to think what we think and feel what we feel. If you don’t feel butterflies, if you’re not excited about this new person, that’s okay. You can feel free to move on.
- We’ll delete the rules. There seem to be zero dating rules left, since we don’t follow a three-day post-date rule anymore, and we seem to just do whatever the hell we want. So let’s continue that in 2016. There are guys out there that still think you have to wait several days before contacting someone after a date and I wish they would get in touch sooner. If you like someone, stop waiting. They can find someone else faster than you think.
- We’ll get over ourselves. I mean this is the nicest possible way. It’s awesome that we’re so confident and that we believe we deserve love. Of course we do. But not everyone will love us or even like us. We can make a million excuses about why a guy never texted us but it’s 2016. If we can finally admit that he just didn’t want to, I think we’ll all be fine.
