Hot, Single, And No Clue How To Mingle—Story Of My Life

I’m a young, good-looking, single AF woman and I’m so ready to meet the love of my life. I’m out there trying to find love but I think I’m not finding it because I seriously suck at flirting.

  1. My game is pretty much nonexistent. I’m either too flirty or too sarcastic; guys either think I’m a tease or a bitch. I can’t seem to find a spot that’s playful and interested but lets guys know I’m not going home with them. I love to make jokes but it’s hard to remember that not all guys like to be (or can even handle being) teased. No matter what, I either offend a guy or somehow make him think I’m DTF. For me, flirting just isn’t that easy.
  2. I’m honestly afraid to approach men. I just want them to come to me—is that so much to ask? I like when guys make the first move because it takes the pressure off of me and I have enough social anxiety as it is. I’m not trying to be lazy and make guys do all the work, I’m just in my head so much all ready that it’s better for my own mental state if I don’t have to worry about how to start a conversation too.
  3. I can never tell if a guy is actually interested. I just don’t think I’m good at reading social cues. Is he just flirting to be nice or is he actually into me? Does he want to date me or is he just trying to get laid? I can’t read the signs and I can’t see the red flags. When it comes to dating I feel blind because to me, everything is a mixed signal.
  4. I don’t know how to convey to a man what I’m looking for. I don’t want hookups. I want a relationship, but how do I get that across without making a guy think I’m a crazy girl who’s ready to drag him down the aisle at the first chance I get? I’m a very honest person but I feel like with dating, you have to hold your cards close to your chest. Unfortunately for me, I can’t help but wear my heart on my sleeve.
  5. I know what I deserve. I’m confident but I’m not arrogant. However, knowing what I deserve doesn’t really make me any closer to getting it. I’m strong and direct and I think that scares some guys off. I’ll tell a guy exactly what I want, need, and deserve, but unfortunately, sometimes that can come off high-maintenance. At the end of the day, I don’t know how to work the balance between standing up for what I deserve and letting a guy walk all over me.
  6. I just want to date one guy at a time. That might be old-fashioned but it’s what I want. Furthermore, I want a guy who feels the same way. If he’s interested in me then I should be the only girl he’s seeing. I don’t want a guy who’s vying for multiple girls’ attention at the same time. If I’m interested in a guy, I act like it and focus all my attention on him.
  7. I get so sick of going out. I’m a homebody at heart. While I really do want to meet someone, being out with people all the time drains my energy. I’m not an extrovert so I need my alone time. I just want someone I can share that downtime with, someone who gets me. I’m trying to get myself out there and mingle as much as I can but I do have my limits.
  8. I’m afraid of getting hurt again. In every other aspect of my life, I can take rejection as constructive criticism, but I just can’t seem to do that when it comes to dating. I’ve had my heart broken too many times before and I just can’t take it again. I don’t know how to keep myself from self-sabotaging. Every time I mingle, I just seem to drive men away.
  9. I’m not interested in online dating. Apps, websites, algorithms for compatibility—I swipe left on them all. I’m not into social media. I want to meet a guy in real life, not virtual reality. I prefer in person instead of online in every aspect of my life. I know online dating helps a lot of people but even though I’m not good in person, I’m not interested in mingling with a stranger on the internet.
  10. I never seem to meet guys I actually like. I try to talk to guys but then I feel bad when I end up not interested. I try to give guys a chance but when I’m over a situation, I don’t know how to properly exit a situation. I don’t want to hurt a guy’s feelings but I also don’t want to lead him on or waste my night on a guy I have no future with, so when things don’t work out, what am I supposed to do?
  11. Real life dating is nothing like in the movies. Where are my examples of what single and ready to mingle is actually supposed to be like? I don’t see guys constantly sending girls drink after drink in real life. I mean, alcohol is expensive and where I come from that’s a rarity, not a constant. How else do people break the ice? I don’t want a cheesy line. I just want a nice way to meet someone in the real world instead of expecting some big romantic gesture.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.