The Hottest Quality A Woman Can Have Is Her Independence—Trust Me, My Boyfriend Loves It

The other day, my guy said something incredible to me: “The hottest thing about you is that you don’t need me. Like, I could leave you or die and you’d be just fine.” I cut my eyes at him, not sure how to take that. He backtracked real fast and said, “I know that you’re with me because you want me, not just because you need me.” Unsurprisingly, guys love independent women. Here’s why:

  1. Chasing down guys isn’t your game. You’re never the desperate one. Your Instagram profile isn’t flooded with those “PLEASE DM ME” sort of selfies that people make fun of. If a guy is genuinely interested in you, it’s 100% his job to impress you and ask you out on a date. The fun job is yours; you get to sit back and watch guy after guy awkwardly attempts to win your attention. Enjoy the free entertainment until one is worth your while.
  2. You don’t give yourself away too easily. There’s a fine line between neediness and vulnerability. It’s one thing to open up to a guy because there’s a commitment there, but it’s another thing to give so much of yourself away just to keep a guy. When you’re independent, you don’t have to sleep with a guy just so he’ll stay. Instead, when you see your worth, you carry an air of mystery that attracts most guys.
  3. You are the definition of confident even if you don’t think so. I’m convinced that confidence is never fully attained. Most girls are far from total confidence, but that’s okay because they’re definitely not alone. If you’re like me and you aren’t in love with every piece of yourself, your independence will still make every inch of you shine. When you don’t need anyone else to define you, no one will know when you overthink eating an extra slice of pizza or ditching hair products. Even if you aren’t always confident, you still have the power to radiate independence.
  4. Girlfriends and family balance your dating relationship. You’re well-rounded enough to have other healthy relationships with family and friends. When he wants to get together with the guys and go fishing or tailgating before a big football game that you could couldn’t care less about, you have something to do. You and your mom can go antique shopping or you can hit up Starbucks with your best friends. Everyone will appreciate it when you’re not that girl who gets a boyfriend and all of a sudden ditches people.
  5. You have the career drive to support yourself. You don’t depend on him for self-worth, and you sure don’t depend on his paycheck. With education and experience like yours, you can spot your own dinner, put a down payment on a car or buy every Kate Spade accessory out there. When you don’t have to depend on his money, you can take pride in your own accomplishments, and he can know that you’re not just there to mooch off of him.
  6. He doesn’t feel like he has to entertain you 24/7. I hate playing hostess. There’s nothing as agonizing as knowing it’s your job to make everyone continuously happy. It kinda works the same way in a relationship. If he doesn’t have to continuously take you out or talk to you on the phone, then you two can actually relax and enjoy one another’s company. There’s no pressure to please when you can entertain yourself. That makes hanging out with him just the icing on the cake.
  7. There’s no need for clinginess. When he doesn’t have to entertain you 24/7, you don’t have to be up under him 24/7. Let’s be real, no matter how much he loves you, he needs his space. No two people should constantly be with each other day in and day out. Anytime I’m around anyone for more than a day, it’s time to find a vacant field or deserted parking lot where I can get in my own head and be by myself.
  8. He feels wanted, not just needed. Everyone craves the fulfillment that comes with being needed. On the flip side, if your boyfriend knows that you’re with him for more than the sake of not being single or if he knows you’re not just hanging onto him so he can pay your way through college, he feels wanted, not needed. That’s super important.
  9. You feel wanted, not just needed, too. Once you recognize that you can stand on your own and that you don’t owe any man for your accomplishments, you’ll realize that he’s staying because he’s fascinated by your independence. He’s not with you just so he can provide, even though that’s kind of him; he’s with you because he’s in love with the person that you are. You don’t need him, so instead, he simply wants you.
Jesus lover/weight lifter/pretend baker