I started dating when I was a teenager, and by my mid-20s, I’d had so many awful experiences with guys that I was pretty much over it. I found myself being extremely cynical about love to the point that I nearly gave up on finding it completely. However, I decided to use this attitude to my advantage instead. Honestly, I was shocked to see how much more successful it made me in the dating world. I now have an amazing boyfriend who’s exactly what I was looking for. Here’s how being cynical about love led me to him.
I had ample time to work on myself. My cynicism often made me feel like I needed to take breaks from dating and I took full advantage of that time. During the periods in which I deleted all my dating apps and swore off men, I was doing things to improve my life. I went back to school for a Master’s degree. I continued going to therapy to work through some deep-seated issues. I hit the gym more often, and I practiced self-care regularly. All of these things turned me into the type of person who’s actually in a position to be a good partner. Despite being cynical about love, I knew I had to be able to offer as much as I was asking for. Taking time away from dating when I was fed up helped me get there.
I established my boundaries and standards. I was sick and tired of being rejected, lied to, cheated on, and ghosted. Because of this, I quickly realized what I wouldn’t put up with in relationships. Being cynical about love pushed me to define my dealbreakers so that the minute a guy crossed one of my boundaries, I knew right away he wasn’t “The One.”
I saw through toxic guys and wasted less time. When you’re cynical about love, the danger is that you could see problems that don’t exist and write off really good guys. I was definitely cognizant of that all the time. I did what I could to not let that happen (though admittedly, I may have let a few decent guys slip through my hands). However, most of the time, my skepticism came in handy. It allowed me to spot toxic guys so much more quickly and cut them loose before I got too deep.
I never kidded myself or ignored red flags. There were certainly times in my life, particularly when I was younger, when I ignored red flags. I made excuses for guys who were clearly no good because I wanted to make things work. By being cynical about love, I was able to be honest with myself about the fact that it was never going to work out with some guys no matter how much I might have hoped they would.
I didn’t settle. I developed a bit of a laissez-faire attitude about dating and relationships and could either take it or leave it. Because of this, I didn’t feel any pressure to settle for the sake of it. Instead, I stuck to my guns and made sure that if I was giving a guy my time, he was worth it. That method actually worked out well for me. It wasn’t long after I changed my approach that I met my current boyfriend. I’ve never been more grateful for my bad attitude, haha!