How Being Too Nice Is Holding You Back

How Being Too Nice Is Holding You Back ©iStock/kcslagle

We all want to be good people, but we can’t sustain our well-being if we’re constantly putting other people’s needs above our own happiness. It’s important to treat people with respect and kindness, but there’s no need to sacrifice yourself for the sake of what others want, or what they want you to do. Here are some signs you’re just too nice and it’s holding you back in life.

  1. You stay with guys because you don’t want to hurt them. Instead, you end up sacrificing your own desire to leave, and then let relationships drag out when they shouldn’t, leaving you miserable.
  2. You often think of comebacks later that you wish you could use. When you get insulted, you don’t really think of any way to stand up for yourself in the moment. It’s not until later that you always think of a different way that conversation could have gone, but you still let people walk all over you.
  3. It’s challenging for you accept a compliment. The last time someone told you that you looked pretty, you brushed off their praise. Turns out your niceness doesn’t extend to yourself.
  4. People take advantage of your generosity. You would do anything for your friends, but that doesn’t mean you should be neglecting your work to give people rides when they have alternative options.
  5. You’re afraid to be honest at work. Your boss asked for your honest review of a coworker and you glossed over their glaring faults because you felt like the bad guy and didn’t want to be responsible for anyone getting in trouble, even if the colleague in question constantly tries to undercut you and make your work days hell.
  6. Guilt is a common emotion. In fact, you still feel extremely guilty about accidentally cutting a car off this morning, even though there’s nothing you can do about it now.
  7. You do pretty much anything to avoid conflict. Your boyfriend’s mom can be a bit, uh, challenging, so you try to get out of his family dinners whenever possible instead of being honest with your boyfriend and expressing your feelings.
  8. Asking other people for help is a big no. Despite the fact that you help other people out all the time, you wouldn’t want to burden anyone with needing some help yourself.
  9. You do a lot of stuff that you don’t want to do. You love hanging out with your cousin on Sundays, but for some reason you always have to drive to her… and she lives an hour away. She doesn’t even bother to offer you gas money, either, and you would never think to ask.
  10. You feel like you never get to share your real opinion. Because if you did, you might offend someone, which would feel even worse than just keeping it to yourself.
  11. You apologize for things that aren’t your fault. Saying sorry is accepting the responsibility for doing something wrong, so if you didn’t, don’t.
  12. The last time you did something nice for yourself was…hmm. All that energy spent being nice and you forgot to direct it towards yourself!
  13. It really gets to you if someone doesn’t like you. Because you feel like you must have done something wrong and wish you could go back in time and right it.
  14. You let every weirdo passerby have some of your time. It’s nice to be polite to people, but if you don’t actually want to talk to the guy who stopped you on the street corner, you most certainly don’t need to stay and listen to what he has to say.
  15. People call you indecisive. You know what you like, but you would rather hear where other people want to eat for lunch before you weigh in, giving their needs more credit than your own.
  16. You trust everyone. It’s one thing to assume the best in people and a whole other thing to open your doors to anyone who wants in. Because of it, you often end up being burned, which just isn’t right.
  17. Strangely, some people don’t seem to trust you. Coming off as too nice can be a downfall in the sense that you don’t seem authentic and people can question your motives. At the end of the day, we should all be aiming to be our authentic selves.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog