How Can I Catch My Boyfriend Cheating?

This is the conversation that no one wants to have and you shouldn’t have to. If you start to suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you, there are a few ways you can go about getting to the bottom of things. First of all, it’s important to know that this isn’t a reflection on you and you aren’t responsible for your partner’s actions. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, read on for more ways to catch your cheating boyfriend so that you can start to get closure.

  1. Take a breather. I know that this is a very dramatic time in your life and not something to be taken lightly. However urgent you might feel that things are, please be kind to yourself. Take a second, turn off the FRIENDS reruns, and just sit. Don’t fixate on what other people might think about the situation. Focus on what you need and what you want to get out of this situation. Do you want to leave quietly or do you want to get closure even if it might get messy first? Whichever way your gut tells you to lean, go with that. It’s crucial that you take this period first. It’s a traumatic time that can be made better by focusing on what you need.
  2. Talk to friends for advice. Once you have decided what you want to achieve, talk to your friends and family about how to go about it. They will be there for you, ride or die. They will have experiences and knowledge gained from previous situations like this to draw upon. You will be grateful for their insight. It shows that you can rely on each other and that you’re not alone. That’s key in these situations when you want to find out, safely, if your boyfriend is cheating on you.
  3. Get support. Find other people who have been cheated on and see what worked for them. Or what didn’t. Reach out to your family, or even to the person he’s cheating on you with if you think that’s something you need. It’s not for everyone, but sometimes people get closure direct from the source. It’s possible she doesn’t even know you exist. The only person who we know for sure is cheating is your boyfriend, focus on that fact. Try not to blame other people until you have more information. Gathering support and information is the research stage of things. You can troubleshoot your tactics.
  4. Stay safe. As you start to define your plan, make sure that your safety features heavily in your plans. Safeguard yourself. Getting revenge isn’t the same as putting yourself at risk because you’re feeling reckless. Yes, he has hurt you, but you don’t need to put yourself in a vulnerable position to prove that. If he has shown himself to be unreliable and harmful, don’t confront him if you are remotely concerned about how he would react. Protect yourself first, even if he didn’t.
  5. Check his habits. Is he overprotective over his phone? Does he turn it over every time he comes over to you? Does he cancel dates all the time? Work late? Investigate that and gather information. See where he checks in on Facebook and if he tags his location on Instagram. If you want, get a friend to pretend to show interest in him to see if he takes the bait. A cheater never changes their spots, after all. Have fun with getting over it.
  6. Change up your plans. If you want to catch your cheating boyfriend, one of the easiest ways to do this is by changing up your plans last minute. If you usually go to the gym on Thursday nights to give him time and space to “chill out,” maybe give it a skip this week and head home early without telling him. You never know what you might discover when you get there.
  7. Make sure you collect your evidence. As Dr. Lonnie Barbach, head of content for relationship app Happy Couple, tells StyleCaster: “The only way to confirm suspicions is to start collecting info.” She suggests keeping a journal since your memory isn’t a reliable source. “Keep track of things like bills, ATM withdrawals, and car mileage, and start putting things together.” It’s important to be able to provide him with proof since he’ll likely deny it when confronted.
  8. Observe his attitude. Is he super laid-back and open or does he seem defensive and angry? Most people who are defensive have a reason to be: because they know they’re hiding something. It’s like a toddler writing on the wall, or a dog chewing up a pillow. They know exactly what they’re doing is wrong.
  9. Watch where he’s going. It might seem a little extreme, but you could always follow him if you think he’s going off to meet someone he’s cheating on you with. This isn’t a good course of action if you struggle with being inconspicuous, but if you think you can safely get to where he’s going without him knowing, you just might catch him in the act.
  10. Just surprise him at work. See how he takes that. If he balks and doesn’t like that loss of control, maybe look into that. It might show that he’s cheating. Plus, if you surprise him at work and he’s not there – you will be led right to the source of where he actually is. You can often tell from the demeanor of the people in the office. They generally know when something extra-marital is going on before anyone else does.

So there you have it, a few options of ways you can catch your boyfriend cheating in a way that keeps you safe and righteous. Good luck and I hope you get what you need. Sometimes getting cheated on is the best thing that can happen to you because it gets a toxic, disrespectful, unworthy partner out of your life.

Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.