We all do our best to pick ourselves up and move on after a bad breakup but seeing an ex find someone new can pour salt in an old wound no matter how over them you believe you are. If you find yourself in that very situation, here’s what to do.
- Accept that you’re not over him. The reality is that whenever we feel emotional pain, there are some unresolved feelings. That’s OK! It would be weird for you to spend months or even years with someone and not develop deep-seated feelings. The first step to feeling better is accepting that you still have unresolved feelings. Once you do that, you can start the healing process.
- Remember why things ended. Given enough time, most of us tend to look back on a past relationship and forget the bad. It’s not that we’re in denial; instead, our brains want to protect our egos, so we tend to remember only the good as a defense mechanism. One of the best things you can do is remind yourself that your relationship wasn’t right for you either because of how it was or where it was headed. Accept this core issue and it will be easier to move forward. If he wasn’t right for you then there’s no need for you to feel sad about him moving on. He’s just become someone else’s problem!
- Forgive him for what he did wrong. We’ve heard it said over and over, that forgiveness isn’t for the other party but you. If you were wronged, the first step to experiencing freedom from the hurt is to forgive your ex. When you hold onto old betrayals, you leave room in your heart for the person that caused it. Forgiving them is a crucial step to getting them out of your system. Don’t give your ex and the heartbreak he caused power over your future!
- Thank your ex for teaching you more about yourself. If you took the time to think about what contributed to the end of a relationship then you probably discovered one or two things that you did wrong. Thank your ex, if not out loud then at least in your heart, for helping you learn and grow. Now you know what not to do moving forward.
- Take time to bury your past dreams. You probably had ideas about what you and your ex were going to do and what kind of life you are going to lead. There’s no need to feel embarrassed about those dreams—they were beautiful and innocent. Take some time to remember what your hopes were and accept the fact that those dreams will never come to be. Then mourn the loss of them and put them to rest.
- Write down a list of your fears about your future, then burn it. The end of a relationship is a loss. You had something big and important and now it’s gone. For most of us, the void that loss creates actually breeds fear. Maybe you fear that you will never find someone else to be with. Perhaps you worry that your ex was actually the one and that you’ll never get him back. Write down all your fears and burn them because this type of concern is irrational and maddening. No one can see the future. Don’t stress yourself about it.
- Create a new vision board for the future you want. Dreams are great because they give us hope and something to work towards. When your relationship ended, your old dreams died. One of the best ways to get over that is to come up with new goals for yourself. Happy people always have something to look forward to, no matter how small. So take some time to sit and think about the kind of future you want. Don’t focus so much on who you hope to see there with you but instead think about the things that you wish to have all on your own. Look at your vision board and manifest what you want. Manifestation is real, people!
- Tell your friends and family about the new mental space you’re in. Friends and family always love and support us, but sometimes they push us back. Be sure to tell them that you’re done bashing your ex and that you want nothing but positive energy around you. You’d be surprised how much the people around us can halt our progress without even knowing they are. Instead of avoiding them, come clean and ask them to support you on your new journey.
- Start living your best single life. Getting over your ex is just the first step. Finding someone new isn’t guaranteed. What I know for sure is that it’s possible for single people to be happy and happy people attract good into their lives. How? Because I’m living proof. So start doing the things that will help you live your best single life. You are enough! Once you know and believe that, not only will you not care about your ex, but the positive energy you put out just might attract someone better down the road.