How To Deal When Your Partner’s Bad At Texting But Great In Real Life

You’ve met someone really awesome—the only problem is that they’re terrible at texting. Either they don’t respond right away or they give you one-word answers, but in real life, they’re absolutely amazing. It’s incredibly frustrating, but before you write them off altogether, here’s how to cope with their less than stellar tech skills.

  1. Limit texting. The most logical thing that comes to mind is to decrease how often you text. This can be crummy if you like texting a lot, but you can make up for the loss of texting in other ways, which brings us to the all-important…
  2. Spend more time together. A great solution to the problem of dating a bad texter is to see them in person more often. This helps you to continue building a strong connection, and let’s be real: having a great time in person is a million times better than having a great conversation via text, so you can’t lose.
  3. Don’t worry too much about textual chemistry. While having a spark and connection via text can be a nice way to connect in your relationship, not having them isn’t the end of the world. There are much worse things, like if you have an amazing textual connection but it flops in person.
  4. Save texting for important matters. If you’re dealing with a texter who doesn’t really talk much over the phone, save your texts for the important chats you need to have when you’re apart from each other. For example, when setting and confirming dates. Leave the small talk for when you see each other—it has the added bonus of giving you more to talk about.
  5. Pick up the phone sometimes. Dating a bad texter can actually work to your advantage. It can help you communicate in more meaningful ways when you’re not in the same room by using the phone to have real conversations. Phoning each other is awesome because it prevents misunderstandings that can occur during text chats while also giving you some body language to work with, such as tone of voice. Besides, hearing someone laugh is so much more fun than receiving a laughing emoji.
  6. Avoid social media. Maybe your partner’s not such a great texter with you but you always see them logged into Facebook. Resist the urge to try to chat to them on that platform unless they’re down with it because you really shouldn’t force the communication issue. Besides, social media can be misleading. Just because they might be online all the time, it doesn’t mean they’re chatting to anyone. They might just be sharing funny cat pictures like the rest of us.
  7. Say what you want. If your partner’s texting behavior really gets under your skin, it’s good to talk to them about how it makes you feel—though preferably not via text. Communication is key so you can both find the best way to deal with your different texting views. There’s always a middle ground.
  8. Be open to compromise. It’s easy to say that someone who doesn’t like texting should change to make you happy, but that’s a tad unrealistic and unfair. Imagine if they said you should change your approach to texting by never texting them because they don’t like it. Nah-uh. The best thing you can both do is be open to a bit of compromise without anything too extreme. That way, you’ll be meeting each other halfway and not let texting get in the way of a healthy relationship.
  9. Choose other ways to chat. There are so many different ways to communicate—texting is just one of them! Maybe your partner wants to chat via phone or video chat, or maybe they’re comfortable with emailing because they’re always in their inbox. Whatever works for both of you.
  10. See it as refreshing instead of burdensome. If you’re always glued to your phone or waiting around for your partner to text you, you’re missing out on life! And if you’re making yourself nuts when he/she doesn’t text in the way you want, you’re letting your relationship become stressful. That’s why putting aside your phone can actually be a good reminder to have more fun!
  11. List what you’ll talk about in person. It can actually be a good thing not to text each other so much between dates. It gives you a chance to accumulate lots of interesting and fun things to talk about when you see each other in person. Just think how much more enjoyable your dates will be when you avoid talking about every detail of your day via text. Plus, you get to see your partner’s reaction in real time and have their full attention.
  12. Don’t think “bad at texting” means he’s not into you. Everyone texts, so it’s easy to assume that someone who doesn’t like it is trying to tell you that they’re not into you or giving you mixed messages. But that’s not always true! If your partner’s meeting with you regularly and showing other signs they’re into you, you don’t need a text to validate your relationship.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.