How Do I Know When A Married Man Is Flirting With Me?

Are you feeling undercurrents of attraction between you and a married man? Maybe he’s your friend or a colleague and your exchanges have gotten strangely awkward lately. Being married does not prevent anyone from falling for someone new. Here are the signs that a married man is definitely flirting with you.

  1. His body language gives him away. Unless he’s desperate to have an affair, he probably won’t tell you he’s attracted to you. But body language doesn’t lie. Physical behaviors such as pupil dilation, open body movements, mirroring, and finding excuses to touch you are all evidence that he’s into you. While he may not be flirting consciously, his body is giving him away.
  2. He wants to know all about your love life. He can’t date you, but he wants to vicariously live through the guys who can. This may seem creepy, but it’s unlikely he knows he’s doing this. To him, he just likes talking to you and wants to know more about you. Taking a particular interest in who you’re with is incidental. To anyone else, however, it’s clear that this means a married guy is attracted to you and is definitely flirting with you.
  3. He has opinions about the guys you’re seeing. If you weren’t already convinced that his interest in who you’re dating was evidence of his feelings for you, his vocal criticism of the guys you date definitely is. His jealousy is disguised as helpful input. He points out little flaws or suggests that they have bad intentions. He finds red flags everywhere and tells you that none of them are good enough for you. Deep down, he thinks of himself as your ideal partner.
  4. He tells you he likes you. Telling someone that you like them is not an admission of undying love. However, if you’re picking up flirty vibes from a married guy and he subsequently says that he likes you, he may as well be telling you he wants to rip your clothes off, right this second. He can’t say what he really wants, so he satisfies himself by telling a half-truth. Saying he likes you is ambiguous enough to keep him faithful to his wife and hint at what he’s feeling.
  5. He opens up to you about his problems. When a guy feels close to someone, he lets himself be vulnerable. He trusts you and values your opinion, so he lets his guard down. Something about you makes him feel safe. Because men suffer from societal pressures to be closed off and emotionless, being open with you is a big deal. He wouldn’t share his insecurities and worries if he didn’t feel a connection.
  6. His ring has disappeared. This is one of the biggest signs a married man is flirting with you (and that he’s perhaps a serial cheat). Removing his ring doesn’t wipe your memory. You know he’s married, ring or no ring. It’s a subconscious gesture. When he’s around you, his ring weighs on him like a ton of bricks. It complicates his emotions, making him confused, guilty, and resentful all at once. Removing the object that symbolizes his commitment to someone else may offer him a sense of temporary freedom, a chance to imagine, just for a little while, what it would be like to have no obstacles.
  7. He’s constantly talking about his wife. You may think that he’s doing this to gently reject you, but in fact, he’s trying to remind himself, loudly and often, that he is a married man. Talking about his wife is a mantra. He is trying to convince himself that he is happily married and does not find you attractive. He’s also probably trying to prevent you from making a move because he knows he won’t have the strength to reject your advances.
  8. He really doesn’t want you to meet his wife. He may talk about her all the time, but when it comes to the two of you meeting, he will do everything he can to prevent it. He’s terrified that if his wife saw how he is around you, she would instantly know how he feels. The two of you in the same room would risk his secret coming out, a secret that he hasn’t even admitted to you. The more separate he keeps you, the safer he feels.
  9. You find yourselves alone a lot. He may not have the necessary amount of recklessness to make a move, but he’s desperate to be near you. He craves closeness, even if the best he can get is a brief moment by the copy machine or outside a coffee shop waiting for your orders to arrive. He wants to be alone with you, even if he can’t do the things he would like to do with that time.
  10. He talks about how tough marriage is. Depending on whether you want to have an affair with him, this is a major red flag. As soon as he starts confiding in you about his marriage problems, he’s basically giving you an invitation to hit on him. He’s trying to rationalize his feelings for you and preemptively justify future infidelity. Getting involved with a married man, no matter how unhappily married he is, is a tricky business. This might be a good time for you to start avoiding him.
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.