How Do You Deal With An Insanely Jealous Boyfriend?

How Do You Deal With An Insanely Jealous Boyfriend? ©iStock/KristinaJovanovic

A little jealousy is common in both men and women. At first, it may be flattering, or cute, but at some point, it can get a little crazy, and potentially scary. If your man is at the “insanely jealous” level, he may be constantly calling or texting you to find out where you are, making threats to other guys who do so much as look at you or ask you for directions, or even accusing you of cheating when you don’t answer the phone or text back within five minutes. Jealousy has the potential to damage many a relationship, so if you find yourself in this situation, but don’t want to lose him, here are a few tips:

  1. Understand the causes behind jealousy, which are fear and insecurity.Your guy is jealous because he’s afraid of losing you to someone else, showing he doesn’t think he’s good enough to hang onto you, and that he doesn’t trust you. Try telling (or better yet, showing him) that he’s the only one you want. If you can assure him that he’s perfect for you, it may give him more confidence.
  2. Talk it out.Men don’t really like to talk, but if you make it clear that this is important to you, he’ll be more apt to listen. When talking, try to listen more to him and his feelings and focus on what’s really making him jealous. Maybe he doesn’t like that you go out clubbing with your friends every week, or that one of your guy friends calls you “babe.” Try to find a middle-ground and see if there’s something specifically bothering him that you can easily fix.
  3. Understand that it’s his problem, and not your fault.He’s jealous because he has insecurities about you. While you can talk as much as you want, it’s really up to him to change. You can only do so much, so don’t feel that it’s your fault he’s insanely jealous, and don’t be hard on yourself for it.
  4. Laugh it off, and hope for the best. Hey, it’s worth a shot. Maybe if you can get him to realize he’s being ridiculous, he’ll cut it out.
  5. Find out if his trust issues come from something that happened to him in the past.If his previous girlfriends cheated on him, he might expect the same from all women. At this point, you need to convince him that just because other women have done it, doesn’t mean you’ll do it. If he realizes this, he might begin to trust you more and not group you with those other whores.
  6. Give him time.Some guys are jealous early on in relationships because you haven’t established trust yet. As time goes on, he’ll see how important he is to you. Try waiting it out while also giving him reasons to trust you, and see if his jealousy diminishes with the more time you spend together and the more you learn about each other.
  7. Get him to realize that jealousy is a problem and it’s damaging your relationship.If he understands this, and wants to be with you, he’ll make an effort to change and work on his jealousy. A lot of guys might not realize how much they’re hurting you, and might think jealousy is just a way to show their affection. Be honest with him and see if he’s willing to at least hear you out.
  8. Go to couples counseling or therapy.If you can’t work out his jealousy on your own, a good option is talking it out with a professional. They’d be able to hear both sides of the story and give you unbiased suggestions and advice that could save your relationship and improve your communication.
  9. If nothing works, and you can’t deal with his jealousy, then maybe it’s time to get out.Don’t stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy or scares you. If you don’t see him making an effort to change or improve, and you know you won’t be able to handle his jealousy forever, then leaving might be the only solution.
Chelsey is a freelance writer in NYC. She's pretty normal by today's standards, or at least that's what her mother tells her.