How To Get A Guy To Let You In So You Can Get Close To Him

You want to get closer to him but either he’s really shy or he shuts you out every time you try. While this might be a sign that he’s not that into you, if everything else between you is going well, that’s not necessarily the case. Before you give up on him, try these 10 strategies to get him to open up and let you in.

  1. Make it easy to talk to you. He might be battling to forge a connection with you, such as because he’s really shy or he’s not sure if you like him. So, make it easy for him to feel comfortable talking to you. Smile a lot, start some conversation ice-breakers, and then make your conversation memorable.
  2. Take a real interest. You like the guy, so show it by asking him questions about his life. This will help him to open up more than if you’re making small talk about the weather. But of course, the conversations can’t be one-sided otherwise he’s not going to let you in. It’s also going to feel weird if he’s always talking about himself. Narcissist alert!
  3. Share your story. If you want him to open up and let you into his life, you have to do the same with him! Share things about your day and life, without giving TMI as that can feel like too much to handle if you don’t really know each other. Choose the most interesting things to talk about and leave the boring details off the table.
  4. Ask him about what he likes. People love talking about what they feel passionate about, so try to get conversations about his interests going. This will show him you’re interested in what he’s about and will encourage him to open up to you more.
  5. Focus on your shared interests. Another important way to feel connected to someone is to focus on what you have in common. This is a great way to connect with him and start building a bond. From talking about how much you love horses or baseball, you could take things to the next level of, say, going to do those activities together.
  6. Choose relaxed date activities. Sitting across from each other at a coffee table isn’t always the best way to connect. It can feel a bit awkward. So, choose fun date activities instead. Try going for a jog in the park or go to a cooking class. This will enable you to do stuff while you talk to each other, and it will help you to connect in a more natural way.
  7. Don’t push it. While you want to encourage him to talk to you about his thoughts and feelings, because that’s a great way to bond, you don’t want to push the issue. If he’s closing up, begging him to open up to you is just going to make him clam up even more. Be patient and understand that if the guy never opens up, even though you’ve been dating for ages, then that’s a sign that things aren’t headed for relationship territory.
  8. Give him some space. You want to leave him wanting more from you. That’s why you should have a fun interaction with him and then back off a bit. This will make him want to get in touch with you, and he’ll be interested in letting you into his life much more than if you’re always around and available.
  9. Become quiet when he does open up. If he gets in touch and starts opening up more, now’s the time to listen to what he has to say. Avoid interrupting him and just let him say whatever’s on his mind. This will show him that you’re really keen to listen and he’ll be more likely to let you into his thoughts and feelings again in future.
  10. Make him laugh. You can’t just try to enter deep topics and build a bond if you don’t really know each other. So start with light topics and make him laugh. Sharing a laugh together is a great way to pave the way towards a more intimate connection. If you can have a good time together, he’s going to warm up to you more because he’ll feel your interactions are upbeat, and soon you’ll be entering more serious territory: he’ll be texting you first.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.