Here’s How I Got Over My Desperation To Get My Ex Back

When my ex left me, I truly thought I wasn’t going to survive. Incidentally, I’m still here, happily in love and traveling the world with a new guy who’s actually right for me. I desperately wanted my ex back for a few months, but once I realized these 10 things, I knew I was totally better off without him.

1. He repeatedly talked about cute girls at work. I don’t know if it’s normal for boyfriends to repeatedly talk about other women they’re attracted to, but all the men I dated besides this dude (including my now-fiance) didn’t/don’t do that. If he only mentioned it once, I would’ve been fine, but he did it over and over again until I was filled with extreme feelings of jealousy. I always thought it was kind of suspicious.
2. He obviously wasn’t over his ex. He said and did several things that hinted he wasn’t over his previous girlfriend but I ignored most of them. What I couldn’t ignore, however, was when he got all bitter and mad when his ex traveled to a different state just to meet up with a man. A man who truly loves his current girlfriend and is truly over his ex would NOT feel that way, even if the ex slept with 100 other men.
3. He’d call me hurtful names. When we’re fighting with a significant other, it’s normal to say things we don’t really mean. Sometimes we let our emotions take over, causing us to blurt out things we may potentially regret. With him, it didn’t matter whether or not we were fighting—he’d still call me stupid and insulting names. I often told him that name-calling was never necessary to get his point across and he would apologize every time, but he never learned and he continued to do it. Emotional and verbal abuse is NEVER OK, ladies.
4. He made me feel insecure. Naturally, after months and months of being subjected to his stupid behavior and hurtful words, I started feeling like crap. I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough and that I was never gonna be good enough. I started feeling like I didn’t deserve to be happy. I wasn’t exactly an extremely confident person, but before I met him I at least valued my worth. Never again will I be with a man who makes me feel terrible about myself.
5. He was quick to yell during fights. A few years ago, I was very hot-tempered but so was he. This meant that trivial things often turned into big fights. Neither of us exactly knew how to de-escalate things, but that wasn’t the worst part. What I hated the most was how quick he was to yell. Growing up in an emotionally abusive household, I never like it when people yell during a fight as it reminds me of painful memories from my childhood. I told him this repeatedly but despite all the apologies and promises not to do it again, he still yelled during fights.
6. He didn’t and still doesn’t know how to maintain a relationship. He jumped into a new relationship just a few weeks after dumping me. I thought she was gonna be “The One” for him but a few months later he ended up leaving her too and even kicked her out of his apartment. Months later, he started dating another chick, and guess what? He did the exact same thing to her. This made me realize that I was never the problem in the relationship. This man literally can’t maintain a serious long-term relationship.
7. He often badmouthed people, including his ex-girlfriends. Right from the start it bothered me that he was the type to badmouth people. He’d badmouth his friends, his friends’ partners, his very own family, his co-workers, his boss—everyone! I put up with it believing it was no big deal. After all, everyone badmouths everyone, right? Wrong. He wasn’t a good person but I didn’t realize that until after he left me.
8. His friends never liked me and I never liked them either. Talking to his friends was always awkward. I’m not really the extroverted type and I keep to myself a lot, but I actually put in a lot of effort into talking to his friends. I was always nice to them but they were kind of mean to me. Not sure what I did wrong, but perhaps he also badmouthed me to them too.
9. I was actually just lonely. I didn’t have that many friends when we were dating. I also never really went out of the house. Once I started making more friends, finding more hobbies and going out more, I found out that I only desperately wanted to be with him because I didn’t have other things to do. Girls, if you ever feel like your world revolves around a man (and an unworthy one at that), think about the other aspects of your life. Maybe you just have a shortage of things to do.
10. We weren’t compatible at all. We didn’t like the same things or activities! We didn’t have the same beliefs either! Talking to him was often stressful and it shouldn’t be like that if you’re with someone who’s right for you. Now I’m finally with someone I’m compatible with and every minute together, whether we’re doing stuff on our own or doing something together, is fun and relaxing.