A guy friend recently enlightened me to a weird guy habit that totally blew my mind. Apparently, men put women into categories and once they’re in one, it’s hard to get out. He explained that all men’s behavior then is determined by what category the woman is in. Here are his categories, and how to tell which one you’re in.
- The girl you like but can’t bring home to mom Some guys just have certain standards for a girl he’s going introduce to his family. If you don’t meet this standard, he might be willing to have fun with you for a while—hang out, date casually, sleep with—but when it comes to committing to something more serious, he might bail. A tell-tale clue is if you’ve been dating for quite a while but still haven’t met his mom. An introduction likely isn’t forthcoming.
- The work wife Just like in Grey’s Anatomy, it’s common for men to have a “work wife.” You’ll know you’re this for a guy if you seem to genuinely care about each other’s lives and spend a lot of time together during the work day but would never go any further than that. The most you might do is flirt a bit here and there, but everyone knows it’s innocent. Besides, his actual wife is one of your good friends too.
- The girl with too much baggage Sometimes everything seems right. Guy likes girl, guy’s attracted to girl, guy and girl have tons in common… but girl just has too much baggage. Guy runs as fast as he can in the other direction because he doesn’t want to have to carry this baggage for the rest of his life. How to know if this is you? He seems super into you… except he never asks you out. You wonder if it’s because you just got divorced five days ago and the answer is yes. If you know you’re a hot mess, how do you expect him not to?
- One of the guys Maybe this is a bit of a cliche but it still exists. If you’re the girl that feels comfortable joking about his balls, changing in front of him, or socking him in the arm, you might fall into “one of the guys” category. Sometimes it’s just hard for him to see you as girlfriend material since you guys are too good of friends. Plus, he can’t bring his girlfriend to poker night.
- The Ice Queen The term is overused but the premise still stands. If you’re a little bit of a stone-cold bitch, he might dub you as such. The stereotypical “ice queen” name is assigned to a girl who keeps her emotions in check—possibly a bit too in check. If you’d rather snap at him with a witty comeback than smile and give him a genuine compliment, this could be you.
- The girl that could be his twin Sometimes there’s a girl that’s so much like him, it’s mind-blowing. And although you guys have tons in common, finish each other sentences, and seem to get along great at first, eventually your relationship will suffer for it. As it turns out, you’re both stubborn workaholics who can’t ever admit they’re wrong. Where do you go with that?
- The girl who’s too high maintenance You’re waxed from head to toe, you’ve got fresh lash extensions in, colored contacts, and you just had your hair blown out. You can’t eat at the place he made reservations because you’re a vegan and gluten-free and you’re really not into that movie he wants to go to because you just can’t stand J. Lo. Also, your nail is chipped, the floor of his car is dirty, and can he take you home because this night just isn’t going the way you hoped. You’re way too high maintenance.
- The drama starter Most men aren’t into the drama, so if you find yourself constantly on the phone with your best friend about your best friend’s boyfriend, whose best friend told your best friend that she’s a bitch, then, well, you might have a problem. Guys don’t want to listen to all that he said, she said. Also, if you’re one of those girls who complain to the waiter or starts a big scene when you don’t get what you want.
- The perfect girl Last but not least, there’s the category of “the perfect girl.” How do you get assigned to this elite category? It’s fairly simple—just don’t fall into any of the others! In all seriousness, this category is the girl he can bring home to mom, who’s like him but not too like him, can hang with his guy friends without being his guy friend, and is nice to him (at least most of the time).