How Much Space Is Too Much In A Relationship?

You know that a bit of space in your relationship is healthy, but there is such a thing as having too much of a good thing. While it’s important to have your own life and identity while in a relationship, if you’re living separate existences, that’s not a good sign. Here’s how you know you’re taking space a little too far.

  1. You’re focused on your individual goals. While it’s always essential to focus on your personal life goals and dreams, you shouldn’t ignore the goals you have with your partner. If you’re not moving towards the same future, that’s a worrying sign. No couple goals? Then you’re not building a future together.
  2. You like things the way they are. You might get asked by your friends when you’re going to DTR or move in with your partner. Your response? You like the current situation in which you have lots of time to yourself. While that’s great, just be sure that your relationship doesn’t wind up being a dead-end. Things can’t stay the same forever. You either step up or get out!
  3. You’re filled with dread at moving in together. Linked to the above is how you might dread the thought of spending so much time with your partner, like if you had to live together or get married. You really crave your own space on a daily basis, but could it be getting in the way of your relationship progression? The thought of being with your partner shouldn’t make you break out in hives!
  4. You can go for days without talking. You and your partner might have a texting routine that works for you, but is it ever cool to go for days and days without at least texting your partner? You’re so far apart, you might as well be on different planets!
  5. You choose mates over quality time with your partner. You make your friends a priority, and that’s how it should be. But if you’re always choosing to spend time with your BFFs on a Saturday night instead of spending time with your partner, that will negatively impact your connection. Space in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re doing your own thing all the time.
  6. You’re never in the loop. If you’re dating each other exclusively, you should be each other’s first call when something happens. If you have to find out about your partner’s latest news on social media, that’s a bad sign that you’re basically living separate lives.
  7. You’re always missing him. Here’s an easy way to know that you’re spending too much time apart from each other and have too much space in your relationship: you miss your partner all the time. Clearly, this means that you’re not connecting enough and your relationship needs aren’t being met. While a bit of missing can be good, too much can become toxic.
  8. You never initiate conversation. While you might want to respect your partner’s need for some space, it’s not healthy if you’re never the one to initiate conversation. This can cause your partner to feel like they always have to be the one to step up and reach out, and over time this can make them stop making any effort at all. You know you have too much space in your relationship if you’re not meeting your partner halfway.
  9. You feel like they don’t care. It’s one thing to feel that you’re taking some healthy space away from each other to concentrate on your own lives but you’re still connecting regularly. It’s quite another if you have so much time to yourself that you start wondering if your partner even wants to be with you. When that happens, you know a line has been crossed. Maybe the real reason why they want so much space is so that they can fade out of the relationship.
  10. You’re so independent, you never need your partner. While you certainly should never compromise your independence in order to depend on your partner, you should want to be around them. You should want to turn to them over anyone else when you want to express your thoughts and feelings. You should want to feel needed and wanted by them, and make them feel that in return. You also need to be supported – everyone does at times. If you don’t have feel these things ever, then you’re basically leading a solo life.


Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.