The relationship between best friends is one of the most important in life — in fact, I’d argue sometimes it’s the most important one you’ll ever have. I have as complicated of a relationship with my best buddy as I have ever had with any guy, but the difference is that it’s been much healthier. Here are some ways in which our love informs how I deal with romantic love:
- It reminds me of my worth. There’s no one better to back up your good opinion of yourself than a best friend. She helps me to remember that I deserve the best when I’m having moments of weakness. She cheers me on and encourages me, and she gives me the truth when I’m making a mistake. She quietly helps me recognize that my gut is always telling me to drop a guy long before I want to admit it. Her honesty helps keep me thinking clearly.
- If I’d be embarrassed to tell her something, I know it’s the wrong choice. We talk about everything, so when I feel weird revealing anything to her, that’s a bad sign. I know I don’t want to tell her because deep down in my heart I know that I made the wrong decision and I’m ashamed. She won’t judge me, but I’m judging myself. Thinking about what she would say before I make an impulsive choice helps keep me from doing so.
- If I feel compelled to justify a guy to her, then he’s the wrong guy. If I’m happy, my happiness will speak for itself. I won’t have to make excuses for him or explain him to her. She’ll meet him and like him. It’ll be easy. There’ll be no weirdness. All that energy I’m expending denying the fact that he’s totally wrong for me would be better spent finding someone who’s right for me. She knows it. So do I.
- I know I can trust her honest opinion. She’s known me longer than most and knows me better than pretty much everyone. If I can’t trust her to tell me the truth, who can I trust? She’s not mean, but she’ll give me the blunt answers I need when I’m having a hard time seeing them on my own. The last thing I need is one more person telling me what I want to hear. If she thinks I’m screwing up my life romantically, I want her to tell me, even if I don’t agree.
- She’ll be realistic and fair when I ask her advice. I trust her to tell me the truth if she doesn’t like a guy. I also trust her to be balanced and objective in her opinion. I try not to complain or praise any one person too much, lest she get a skewed view of him. Instead, I let her draw her own conclusions so when I’m in a quandary I know she’s offering unbiased help. Every situation has two sides, and she helps me see both of them. It doesn’t make my decision any easier, but I’ll have a surer idea that I’m making the right one.
- If she doesn’t like him, that’s a big warning sign. I think that your family and friends can tell when you’re truly happy. Sometimes they can see much more clearly than you can because they have an objective position outside the relationship. I trust that when the people close to me don’t care for a man in my life, I might want to take a second look at the situation. When my bestie isn’t a fan, that’s the most serious warning sign of all.
- Her love and support helps me remember to demand the same from a man. If he’s not in it, I don’t want it. It’s that simple. Why waste my time on someone who makes me feel worse than I do being single? Sometimes, though, that simple standard becomes muddled. Romantic situations are complicated. I like a guy, I want to get laid, I think maybe we’ll grow on each other as we get to know each other. No. If I know in my gut he’s not it, that’s the truth. When I’m feeling insecure or confused, I can turn to her and see all the qualities I need in a relationship. A man should definitely be giving me the same foundation that she does.
- If he doesn’t think she’s as rad as I do, he’s out. I have the best, sweetest, kindest, most loving best friend in the world. I have no idea how anyone could not find her wonderful. If somehow a guy I’m seeing doesn’t vibe with her, then I know the truth – he’s the jerk not her. Either he’s threatened by our relationship or he knows that she sees right through all his BS. Doesn’t matter — both are reason enough to say goodbye. If you appreciate me at all, you love the other people in my life who I love. Bottom line.
