Narcissists are experts at setting up sneaky loyalty tests that make you feel like you’re constantly proving your worth to them. They want to keep you hooked, always guessing, always trying to earn their approval. If you’ve ever felt like you’re playing a game you didn’t sign up for, you’re probably dealing with one of these traps. Let’s break down 15 ways narcissists test your loyalty and keep you wrapped around their little finger.
1. They Keep You Chasing Their Approval
Narcissists love to make you work for their praise. They’ll give you just enough approval to keep you wanting more—but they’ll take it away just as quickly. The more you crave their validation, the more they know they’ve got you under their thumb, trying to prove you’re good enough.
2. They Push Your Boundaries Just to See If You’ll Break
They’ll start small, like asking you to cancel your plans to be with them, but once you do that, they’ll up the stakes. Narcissists love to test how much you’re willing to bend for them. The more you give in, the more they know they can push. Before you know it, you’re compromising your values and comfort zones just to keep them happy.
3. They Make You Choose Between Them and Your Friends
Ever notice how a narcissist loves to stir up drama between you and your loved ones? They’ll say things like, “Your friends don’t really get you like I do,” or “If you loved me, you’d spend more time with me than with them.” It’s a classic isolation tactic to make sure you’re putting them first, above everyone else in your life.
4. They Create Drama Just to Watch How You React
Narcissists thrive on chaos, and they’ll create drama out of thin air just to see how you handle it. Maybe they’ll pick a fight over something trivial or accuse you of something completely random. It’s not about winning—it’s about testing your loyalty. If you’re willing to stick around and work things out, even when they’re acting unreasonable, they know you’re hooked.
5. They Play the Victim to Get Your Sympathy
Ever heard a narcissist spin a story that makes them seem like the most misunderstood person in the world? They’ll tell you how everyone in their life has let them down, except you. This is their way of testing your loyalty by making you feel like you’re the only person who can save them. They want you to feel responsible for their happiness so you’ll go above and beyond to prove you won’t be like everyone else who’s “failed” them.
6. They Hit You with the Silent Treatment to Make You Panic
When a narcissist gives you the cold shoulder, it’s not just to punish you—it’s a test. They want to see how much you’ll grovel to get back into their good graces. They know that ignoring you triggers your anxiety and makes you more desperate for their attention. If you’re willing to apologize even when you’re not at fault, they know they’ve got you wrapped around their finger.
7. They Flirt with Others to Stir Up Your Jealousy
Narcissists love to make you jealous just to see how much you’ll fight for their attention. They’ll flirt with someone else right in front of you and then act like it’s no big deal. If you react with insecurity or try even harder to win them back, they know they’ve got you exactly where they want you—constantly worried that you’re not enough.
8. They Pretend to Be Insecure to Fish for Compliments
They’ll say things like, “I don’t think I’m that great,” just to see how quickly you’ll jump in to boost their ego. Narcissists aren’t genuinely looking for reassurance—they’re testing how far you’ll go to make them feel special. This is their way of making sure you’re still willing to play their game of endless praise and validation.
9. They Turn Life Into a Competition—And You’re Always the Loser
Narcissists love to pit you against others by making snide comments like, “Why can’t you be more like them?” or “I bet they’d do this for me.” They want you to prove that you’re better than everyone else in their life. They want to see if you’ll go to any lengths to be their number one, even if it means constantly one-upping people who aren’t even competing.
10. They Tell You “Secrets” to Test If You’ll Keep Them
A narcissist might share some deep, dramatic “secret” with you, not because they trust you, but because they want to test your loyalty. They’ll wait to see if you let it slip to anyone else. If you do, they’ll use it as evidence that you betrayed them. By keeping their secrets, you’ve proven to them that you can be manipulated.
11. They Create Fake Emergencies to See If You’ll Drop Everything for Them
Narcissists are experts at inventing crises just to see how fast you’ll come to their rescue. They might call you in the middle of the night with a dramatic issue or act like they’re in dire need of help. They’re testing your loyalty to see if you’ll put their needs above your own, no matter how inconvenient it is for you.
12. They Use Guilt-Trip Ultimatums to Back You into a Corner
“If you really loved me, you’d do this.” Sound familiar? Narcissists are pros at using guilt trips to force you into things. They’ll lay down the most ridiculous ultimatums to see if you’ll cave and do what they want. They’ll back you into a corner where you feel like you have no choice but to prove yourself over and over again.
13. They Keep Score of Everything They’ve Done for You
Narcissists never let you forget all the things they’ve supposedly done for you. They’ll remind you constantly, saying, “Remember when I helped you? Now it’s your turn to show you care.” This isn’t them being generous—they’re setting a trap to make you feel like you owe them. The more indebted you feel, the easier it is for them to control you.
14. They Spread Rumors to Test How You’ll React
Narcissists love to see how much control they have over you by spreading false rumors. They’ll watch to see if you’ll confront them, defend yourself, or just let it go to keep the peace. It’s their way of seeing just how far you’ll go to protect your relationship with them, even at the cost of your own reputation.
15. They Love-Bomb You, Then Pull the Rug Out From Under You
At first, they’ll shower you with affection, gifts, and attention, making you feel like you’re on top of the world. But just as suddenly, they’ll pull away, leaving you confused and desperate to get back to that honeymoon phase. A narcissist keeps you chasing those highs they give you when they’re love-bombing because they know the more they keep you guessing, the more loyal you’ll be.
