How Often Should You Text Someone You’re Dating? Here’s The Lowdown

If you’re an anxious dater, figuring out how regularly to stay in touch with your date might make you feel a bit stressed. Text too much and you might be seen as clingy or just get left on “read.” On the other hand, if you don’t text the person much, you risk losing momentum. How often should you text someone you’re dating? Here’s what to bear in mind.

  1. There’s never a one size fits all answer. The truth about texting someone you’ve started dating is that there’s no magical number of texts that you need to exchange with your partner to build a bond and keep the momentum going. It takes a bit of experimenting to see how regularly you both feel comfortable chatting via text.
  2. You need to think about your texting style. You should suss out how much you like to text, such as daily or once every few days, based on your history. Then you’ll be able to see how you feel about your partner’s texting style. If they have a very different texting style to yours, then this could be something you talk to them about so that you can compromise.
  3. You need to see how you’re bonding. If you have an instant connection with the person you’re dating, you might find that you want to text each other a lot. This could set up the texting habit. However, bear in mind that texting each other furiously doesn’t mean that your connection is stronger than if you had to text less regularly. It’s really about finding the best texting style that suits you both and makes you feel connected.
  4. You shouldn’t let texting get in the way. You might love how you and your partner can text each other multiple times per day, but be wary that you don’t allow your texting habit to stand in the way of connecting in real life. This can form a fake connection or one that doesn’t match up to your RL bond, especially if you’re newly dating. You need to spend time together face to face.
  5. You should back off a bit. Before you get into a texting habit with the person you’re dating, make sure that you don’t take the texting reigns too early on. If you’re always the one who’s texting your partner first or checking in, you could be the only one carrying the connection. Back off a bit and let the other person make some effort so that you can see if they’re worth texting and dating.
  6. You should give it meaning. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you and your partner have to chat via text on a daily basis. But it’s actually better to have meaningful conversations even if you speak less than if you speak daily but talk about stuff that doesn’t matter or build your connection. You also don’t want to risk texting burnout by having boring chats!
  7. You might wanna start slow. The frequency with which you text with your partner should also depend on where you’re at in your relationship. If you’ve just met and have started dating, you might want to ease into a texting routine. By comparison, as your relationship progresses from casual dating, you can text more without worrying that you’re giving too much.
  8. You should think about slow burn love. When you start dating someone, you should think about building a bit of mystery. This can help you to stay on the person’s mind. You don’t want to jump into daily texting and giving them TMI, so it might be good to focus on the slow burn instead of running into the flames of a new relationship.
  9. You might slow down with texting when you DTR. Although you might think you and your partner will text more when you become a couple, the opposite could happen – but it’s totes normal. You might not feel the need to text all the time as you did when you were getting to know each other, but that doesn’t mean you’re not strengthening your bond. You will likely not have as much of a need for such regular texting because you’re connecting in so many other ways. When you live with your partner or marry them, then obviously texting so much might also take a bit of a dive.

Is It A Red Flag When Your Partner Says They Don’t Like Texting?

What if you’re dating someone who says they don’t like texting? Is this a red flag?  It can be, but there are some things to consider.

  1. Check their other behavior. You should look at how the person behaves in your relationship outside of his poor texting skills, which by itself shouldn’t be a red flag. Are they making regular plans to see you? Do they phone you, email you, or have video chats? If they don’t like texting, they should be open to other ways of spending time with you and communicating with you.
  2. Ask them more questions about it. Before you jump the gun and think someone who says they’re not into texting is not into you, ask them why they don’t like texting. They might just prefer face-to-face communication or find texting anxiety-inducing. It’s better that they tell you upfront about what they need and why they want to avoid texting than if they feel forced to text you. You’ll end up with one-word answers or other irritating texting behaviors, which won’t make you happy.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.