How Picturing Your Future With Someone Can Ruin Your Relationship

The idea of finding spending happily ever after with your perfect person might seem alluring, but life rarely works out that way. In fact, obsessing over your ideal romance is a nightmare waiting to happen.

There’s such a thing as setting your expectations too high. Expecting your partner to get a good job and make tons of money while maintaining the perfect body and being a model partner/good parent is ridiculous and totally unrealistic. You’ll be much happier and less likely to ruin your relationship if you base your expectations off the qualities your partner already possesses and you understand that no matter how great they are, they’re still human.

Falling in love with the person you want your partner to be will make you miss out on who they really are. You should never choose to be with someone based on the potential that they might someday live up to. Nothing hurts more than getting your hopes high and having them fizzle out because you expected more than your partner could give (or wanted to give). Everyone has potential and it’s good to believe in your partner’s, but you have to know that they might want different things for their life than you do, and since it’s their life, it’s their decision.

Trying to force someone to change always backfires. All too often I see women making their guys wear clothes they don’t like or guys expecting women to always be in full makeup with a fresh pedicure. Forcing someone to be something or someone they’re not will only last so long and it never ends well. If you don’t like the person for who they are now, you have no business being with them in the first place.

If you’re meant to be, there will always be room for you in their future plans. There’s no reason to let your partner’s future affect your relationship now. If they don’t know what they’ll be doing in the next five years, that’s OK! Just because you think you have it all figured out doesn’t mean your S.O.’s life has to follow the same trajectory in order for you to feel secure in your relationship. If you’re meant to be together, there will always be a spot for you in their life, no matter where you end up.

Your relationship isn’t anyone else’s—stop comparing them. Who cares if your best friend’s husband is a biomedical engineer and spends his days at the country club while she spends all day shopping? Every relationship is unique and there will ALWAYS be that special something that you share with your partner that other people don’t have. You’ll also never have the relationship other people have because you’re not those people. Be happy with what you have because as the old saying goes, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”

Obsessing over your ideal future could cloud your judgment in the present. We all have our picture-perfect future engraved in our minds but don’t go looking for someone to fill in the blank face of your partner in your head. Instead of looking for “The One”, find someone you’re truly compatible with and build your ideal future around who they are. Spending your time hunting for the rich kid with baby soft skin will most likely end with you marrying a douchebag and being completely unhappy for the rest of your life, so give the rugged barista down the street a chance, you might be surprised.

Other people’s opinions really don’t matter. Our friends and families will always have opinions about who we should date and what our future should look like. Even if you’re not someone who stresses too much about the future, questions about it from friends and family could get the gears of your mind ticking. One thing to remember is that their vision of your future might be completely different from what you’ve envisioned for yourself. That’s OK! If they don’t like it, oh well.

Worrying about your future with someone means you miss out on the here and now. There’s no reason to waste your time and energy worrying about what might happen. If you’re completely happy with your current partner then enjoy the time you have with them, whether it only lasts two weeks or the next 20 years. Freaking out about whether your companion is marriage material will only turn you into someone you’re not and that might drive the perfect person away from you! Don’t let your imaginative fears ruin something good in your life.

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