As you mourn the end of your relationship, you’re going to feel a lot of things, including the urge to text your ex. More often than not, this is a terrible idea and will only act as a major setback when it comes to your healing process. Here’s how to resist the temptation to reach out (because you really, really should).
- Remind yourself why you broke up in the first place. The relationship didn’t end for no reason. When you’re feeling sad and reminiscent, remember the things that made you split up. When you’re feeling down, the brain tends to remember all of the good times rather than the bad times. Try not to let your mind trick you. If you’re going to reminisce, remind yourself of the entire relationship, not just the parts that made you feel warm and fuzzy.
- When you feel the urge to talk to your ex, call a friend instead. That’s what friends are for! Your friends love you and want you to be happy, so call them and talk to them about how you’re feeling. Let your BFFs remind you how better off you are without your ex!
- Get on a dating app. I’m by no means implying that hopping into the dating scene is the cure for your breakup. But sometimes when we feel lonely, we tend to revert to the people who once made us feel special: our exes. Rather than reaching out to your old flame, try talking to someone new! They don’t have to be the new love of your life — maybe they just serve as a reminder that there are more people out there. You will not be alone forever.
- Write down what you want to say. Sometimes I get the sudden urge to text my ex and tell him all of the terrible things he did. Other times I miss him and want to check in on him. Rather than shoot him a text and wind up in a whirlwind of emotions, I write down what I want to say in my journal. Writing helps me vent (without my ex’s feedback) and I often find that after a good journal session, I feel a little bit better. It doesn’t instantly cure heartbreak, but I’ve found that by the time I’ve finished journaling, I’ve said what I needed to say and no longer feel that strong urge to text my ex.
- Delete them from your social media counts. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I know it’s not that easy, especially with someone that you were in love with. Still, by removing them from your social media, you won’t be surprised by a random photo of them or their friends while you’re scrolling through your apps. Deleting or blocking them doesn’t have to be permanent, but it will help as you work to mourn and move on from the relationship. You’re less likely to text them if you’re not seeing constant images of them online.
- Remember that you can’t be there for each other. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could? Sure, you loved them, and maybe they even felt like your best friend. But now that you’ve broken up, you need to remember that they’re not the person who can be there for you to get you through your breakup. You’re both dealing with the end of a relationship so you need to cut off communication. Texting them when you’re sad or lonely isn’t going to help you unless you’re trying to get back together. They can’t help you get over them.
- Put your phone away when drinking. Ah, the dreaded late-night drunk text. We’ve all done it. When you’re out drinking with friends, try to either tuck your phone away in your bag or ask a friend to hold onto it. As much as you may get the urge, try to remember that drunk texting is never the solution! Protect your sober self by keeping your phone out of your hands while drinking.
- Remember that it’s natural to want to text them. Your ex was the person you texted every day. Of course, you’re going to want to text them. Take solace in the fact that this feeling is not unusual, and almost everyone experiencing a break up feels this way at some point or another. You will get through this. Just because you have the urge to reach out doesn’t mean you have to give into it.
- Let yourself feel. As much as it’s going to suck, this will help you in the long run. Breakups are never easy. It’s important to remind yourself that you’re going through a mourning process. As much as this hurts right now, things will get better. You must allow yourself to feel all of the emotions to process the breakup. By allowing yourself to heal, you’re going to feel less of an urge to send a text to your ex.