How To Show A Guy You Like Him Without Being Too Intense

Some guys get freaked out way too easily. If you come on too strong, you’re either labeled “crazy” or you have them running for the hills. Because we’re living in the era of the dating apocalypse, playing it cool is the only way to keep a guy around. Here’s how to let him know you like him without scaring him.

Be chill in your texting.

As much as you might want to text him all the time to tell him that you’re swooning over him and are counting down the minutes until you see each other again, hold up. First of all, do not, under any circumstances, text him multiple times a day, especially if you don’t get a response after three sent texts in a row. Instead of getting all mushy about things, when you do text ask him about his day in a cool, casual way. It shows you’re interested but without freaking the eff out because you haven’t seen him since last Friday.

Make time for him but not too much time.

If you’ve just started dating, then you’re in what’s known as the infatuation stage of the relationship. This stage is literally like being high on drugs and when you’re high on drugs, you can’t get enough. Still, you need to put the breaks on the situation. Sure, you can spend time with him, but you just can’t throw yourself in headfirst, forgetting everything and everyone else. It’s all about moderation, especially in the early days of dating someone.

Let him go out with his friends.

If you want to scare the hell out of a guy, bitch and moan about how he’s spending too much time with his friends. If you want to be a normal, well-adjusted human being, realize that you’re not the only one in his life and that even if you’re a priority, he still needs (and wants) to make room for other people. Also, you should be doing the same. Guys come and go but your friends are the ones who stick around for the long haul.

Do the little things.

There’s a huge difference between making him dinner and buying him some over-the-top, expensive gift that he’s been eye-spying for months. Sure, the gift can be great, but it’s also too much and can throw your relationship off balance. I mean, just think about the obligation he’s going to feel when you give it to him. As opposed to dropping half your paycheck on some materialistic thing that he frankly doesn’t even need, make him his favorite meal or plan a movie night with his favorite trilogy. It’s the little things that count and are deeply appreciated as signs of affection.

Skip the expectations.

The worst thing you can do is have expectations for someone, especially unrealistic ones. Once you take expectations off the table (or never put them there in the first place), you’re both going to feel better. Even if you don’t express those expectations out loud, as long as you have them, you’re both going to feel the weight of them on your relationship. Just go with the flow and don’t worry about complicating things with expectations.

Respect his space.

Not only should you respect his space in general but respect his physical space too, meaning don’t constantly leave your stuff at his apartment. The more you leave there, the more he’s going to feel like you’re moving into his space and if he’s not ready, he’s going to see this behavior as way too intense. You have your own place, so bring your stuff home—no matter how much you might want to be pushing your relationship in a specific direction.

Let him be equal in decisions.

Whether it’s date night or a weekend away, let him have an equal say. While you may not be crazy about going to the same restaurant again and being forced into a night of all the Die Hard movies, when you back off a bit and let him have an equal voice, you not only show him that you like him a lot but that you don’t need to control every situation.

Accept him as he is.

No one is perfect. Yes, some guys desperately need a makeover and maybe even their entire apartment redone too. However, if you try to change him, you’re not only being too intense but you’re basically saying you don’t like him as he is—something that will definitely drive him away. People, men especially, don’t like change. If you waltz into his life looking to throw everything for loop, he’s going to run and run like hell.

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