How To Stop Attracting Toxic Guys Once And For All

It’s fun to date around when you’re trying to find your person, but chances are you regularly run into guys who either aren’t on your level at best or are flat-out toxic at worst. There’s no way around the fact that you’re going to meet at least a few jerks but here are a few tips on how you can stop attracting the most terrible ones of the bunch.

  1. Be upfront in your dating profiles. If you already know there’s a certain type of guy that you definitely want to avoid, don’t waste your time and his with idle chit-chat when you know that you’re not right for each other. There’s nothing wrong with being straightforward about what you do and don’t want from a partner on dating apps. If you have dealbreakers, list them outright. This will hopefully weed out some of the guys that wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
  2. Don’t make excuses for unacceptable behavior. The search for the “The One” can be exhausting and feel endless but no matter how long it takes, don’t let your eagerness to find someone allow you to tolerate less than what you deserve. If a guy is exhibiting behavior that feels toxic, don’t let him think you’re okay with it. Tell him how you feel and let him know that he either needs to shape up or ship out. If you carry yourself this way, men will automatically get a feel for what you don’t put up with in relationships.
  3. Carry yourself the way you want to be treated. Confident, strong women don’t allow toxic men into their lives and they give off that energy everywhere they go. Walk with your head held high and an attitude that says that you think highly of yourself without being stuck-up. This kind of mindset will attract only serious and well-intentioned men into your life because the toxic ones will know that they don’t measure up.
  4. Trust your gut. Always listen to your instincts because they can often sense or see something before you can. If something feels off or a guy you’ve just met feels like he’s hiding something or lying about something, the best thing to do might be to go your separate ways before things get messy. Toxic people often show you who they are pretty quickly after you meet them so, if it feels off, it probably is. Trust yourself.
  5. Don’t let yourself be a magnet for drama or negativity. Toxic people often thrive on things like drama and complaining about anything and everything. That kind of behavior is such a downer and will just drag you down to their level. You’re so above petty things like gossip and negativity and you don’t want to surround yourself with people who use it as entertainment. The best way to repel these people is by always holding yourself to a higher standard. Run from drama, don’t engage in gossip or rumors, and try to bring a positive attitude to every situation you can.
  6. Take care of yourself first. It’s so easy to forget about self-care when you’re in pursuit of love but the truth is that we really can’t love someone else until we love ourselves. Remember to take the time to show yourself love and care by putting in the work on yourself. Do things that make you happy and work on cutting all of the negative energy out of your life. This will help you have a clear head and better judgment when it comes to picking a partner or passing one up.
  7. Don’t be afraid of standards. Whenever you’re getting to know someone new, make sure to remember your list of must-haves and dealbreakers. Think about the things that are most important to you in a partner, the characteristics, and behaviors. Don’t be afraid to stick to those standards and drop anyone who doesn’t seem like they could measure up. There’s a difference between giving someone a chance and settling for someone. You’re too good to settle.
  8. Avoid clones of your exes. You might find yourself falling into a relationship with someone who has a lot in common with one or more of your exes. Tread very lightly in these types of situations and don’t let yourself fall prey to all of the things that went wrong with those past relationships again. Those guys are exes for a reason, so just make sure that you’re not gravitating to another toxic guy just because it feels familiar or you think you could handle it again. You deserve better than that.
  9. Trust the opinions of the people who love you. The people in our lives who love us the most can often see things that we don’t when it comes to relationships. We might be ignoring warning signs or just blinded by our excitement for a new relationship that we can’t see the problems that are there. If your friends and family are voicing their concerns about someone that you’re seeing, letting you know that they see problems, don’t brush them off. They want the best for you and only want to protect you from getting hurt.
  10. Realize that it’s not your job to fix anyone. Toxic men often come in the form of people with a lot of problems or issues within themselves. Of course, when you love someone, you love them despite the difficulties in their life but, it’s also not your job to save someone who needs to work on themselves to fix their own problems. You can’t let your whole life be about fixing someone else’s and not about focusing on yourself too. Toxic people will also try to guilt-trip you into staying with them because of their problems but you have to have the strength to walk away when a relationship is damaging to your life. They will learn to be okay but you have to make sure your needs are being met too.
Shelby is a journalist and fiction writer raised in the South but built for the big city. She's a book nerd (well, an overall nerd, honestly) and coffee addict and obsessed with all things leather and lacy.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and Media Studies from Sam Houston State University and worked for her university newspaper, The Houstonian, as well as serving as a producer and part-time entertainment anchor for Cable 7 Huntsville. You can follow her on Twitter @shelby777.