I Don’t Know How To Tell My Boyfriend That I Don’t See A Future With Him

People say that when you meet “The One,” you just know. I have my doubts about that sentiment, but if it is actually true, my current boyfriend just isn’t it. I don’t want to waste his time but I don’t exactly know how to tell him he’s only right for me for now.

  1. How do you tell a guy that he’s not husband material? Every man out there, even the worst player of them all, likes to believe that every woman he dates thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. I don’t even know how I’d tell the dude I’m with that he’s my meantime guy. That would be like telling him he’s lacking in some way. Imagining the direction that the conversation would head in already has my head splitting.
  2. I don’t want to hurt him. Going beyond the male ego, I know that telling my boyfriend I don’t see a future with him will inevitably hurt him. What if he sees one with me and I end up crushing his dream? I can’t carry that type of baggage.
  3. I feel like he’ll figure it out himself when the time is right. If actions speak louder than words then I’m already let him know what I think, just not with my words. I never leave stuff at his place and always insist on driving myself to our meetups. I feel that people that want to dive into relationships don’t do that kind of thing. In a way, if he’s observant, he’ll figure things out.
  4. I could eventually change my mind. Trust me, I know how self-centered this sounds, but hear me out. I’ve jumped the gun and pulled the cord on relationships only to end up regretting it later. Sometimes when you’re deep into something, you don’t have perspective. What if my blinders are on right now? Something could happen that will open my eyes. I don’t want to lose a good guy until I’m sure.
  5. I don’t want people to think I’m a bitch. You know how it goes: as soon as you break up with a guy in a circle of friends, dynamics change. If he was the one that did the breaking up, he gets vilified. If you did it, you get blamed. If I told my boyfriend he was my meantime guy, he’d break up with me and then blame it all on me. I don’t want to become a social pariah. I’ve seen it happen where even other women think you’re mean and want nothing to do with you. I’d rather keep my thoughts to myself, thank you very much.
  6. I don’t want other guys to avoid me like the plague. As I mentioned, I met my boyfriend through a circle of friends. To be honest, there are a couple of great guys in that group that I am attracted to. Do I know whether they’d be husband material or not? Hell no! But they could be. I don’t want to have them pre-judge me before we get into a possible future relationship. Sometimes you have to think two steps ahead.
  7. I want us to stay friends should things end. Again, I’m not closing things off completely. Right now, I don’t see a future. IF things should go as I envision them, I’d want to remain friends with my boyfriend. I’ve seen the whole hostile ex situation and it isn’t for me. Running into each other can turn into a nightmare, and all the new people that either of you meet will pre-judge you. No thank you, ma’am. Besides, my boyfriend is a great guy. He’d be fun to hang out with.
  8. I don’t want to be alone. In a way, I am using my boyfriend, but don’t we all use each other? How many times have you called a friend when you were bored? It’s human nature to want relationships and I’m no different from any other human being. I’ve always been a relationship girl. I’m happier when around other people. It’s not like I’m hurting my boyfriend by keeping him around. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s getting something out of this deal. Keep in mind that he hasn’t talked about a future with me either.
  9. I want to be able to come back to him. This sounds horrible, I know, but we’re all about honesty around here, aren’t we? I feel like making such a strong statement would burn a bridge. I’ve been known to think that the grass was greener then quickly come back to my senses. If that should happen and it turns out I’m just reading into things, which I’ve been known to do a lot in my 25 years on Earth, then I want to keep that door open. A lot of people break up and get back together. Sometimes it’s a perspective thing. If my boyfriend and I should break up naturally, I still want us to have the chance to come back and rebuild.
Hannah is a twenty-something-year-old freelance writer, obsessed with reality TV, and all things sweet.