If he’s only recently out of a breakup when you start dating, it’s natural to wonder if your boyfriend misses his ex. Whether it’s just a fleeting moment of jealousy or a true concern, it would be nice to know the truth. Showing one or two of these signs may be no big deal but if a lot of them apply, it might be time to have a talk.
Your boyfriend is still in contact with his ex, but you’re out of the loop.
Some people are able to maintain a friendship with their ex and that’s fine. However, if your boyfriend is texting her or having dinner with her and hiding it from you, that’s a big red flag. If they’re truly friends, then at some point he would want the two of you to be friends, or at least friendly. At the very least, he should be honest about who he’s hanging out with.
He compares you to her.
There’s a little caveat to this one. Some comparison at the beginning of the relationship is probably pretty normal. If things recently ended with his ex and your relationship is new, he may be looking for signs that you’re a better (or worse) match for him than she was. People usually make sense of new circumstances by comparing them with old ones. If you’re solidly into a long-term relationship and he’s still making comparisons, it might be a sign he’s thinking a little too much about her, and not enough about you.
He has some of her old stuff.
If he just can’t seem to part with the creepy teddy bear she gave him or he still has a stack of her clothes in his drawer, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship. There may be some other reason he’s holding onto her stuff—like maybe he snuggles the teddy bear at night or he’s hoping she’ll come back and start using her drawer of belongings again.
He won’t commit to you.
If you’re noticing some signs that you think mean he misses his ex and these signs are coupled with the fact that he won’t commit to you, that might be an extra warning sign. Is he afraid to commit to you because he thinks she’ll come back? Only time (and maybe a deep conversation with him) will tell.
He likes or comments on her social media.
If your boyfriend is still liking all his ex’s pictures and commenting on them, it may be time to casually ask him what’s up with that. While a lot of people insist that liking someone’s picture on social media is innocent, it’s still possible to like a picture without liking a picture. The difference? You’re letting the person know you like it. Why does he need to do that? That’s a question you need to ask him.
He seems emotionally disconnected from you.
This is another one that should be used in conjunction with the rest. There could be lots of reasons that you’re feeling disconnected lately. He could be distracted by work or other life stuff. It’s when this is happening while you’re also wondering if he’s thinking about his ex that you might want to start to worry.
You’re scarily similar to her.
This one is a bit iffy—after all, some people just have a type. But if you’re eerily similar in looks and you have all the same interests she does, could there be a reason he picked you? Maybe.
You started dating really quickly after they broke up.
Timing is key here. This isn’t always true, but if you guys started dating really soon after they broke up, it could possibly lead to some unresolved feelings about his ex. People usually need some time to process and move on after a breakup. You might want to ask him if he’s done that.
He’s still angry about the breakup.
It’s normal to have feelings about the way you broke up with your ex for a while, especially if it was an ugly split. But by the time they’re in a new relationship, most people are able to put that in the past and move forward. They usually feel more apathetic towards their ex. There might be some residual feelings of anger but for the most part, they really don’t care anymore. If he’s still feeling super angry about the way things went down, it might still be too raw for him.
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