How To Actually Chill Out About Dating

When you’re single AF, finding love can almost become an obsession. Relationships are supposed to make you happy, not stressed out, so if you’re feeling pressure, you’re doing something wrong. What you need to do is stop taking love and life so seriously. For your sake and the sake of your potential boyfriend, chill the f*ck out.

  1. Don’t hang by the phone. Actual phone calls might be a thing of the past, but text messaging is a key component of the dating game. Whether you’re waiting for a text vibration or for the phone to actually ring, at the end of each day, your life is still passing you by. Put down the phone and get on with your life.
  2. Give communication a break. Just as you shouldn’t be waiting for his text, you shouldn’t be requiring a constant flow of communication. Give the guy and yourself a break. You both (hopefully) have other things going on, so give some attention to the rest of your life and let the relationship breathe.
  3. Forget time limits. He doesn’t have to wait three days to call you and you don’t need a week’s notice to agree to a date. Stop playing games. How about starting your relationship off with the truth rather than the made-up BS rules society has conditioned you to abide?
  4. Don’t overanalyze his words. Deciphering every word for possible hidden meanings is exhausting for both parties. It’s a waste of brain power and it’s bound to lead to a fight. Don’t think so much. If you don’t know what he means, just ask him, plain and simple.
  5. Respect a relationship for what it is. If it’s a hook-up, treat it as such — don’t try to turn it into something more. You can save so much time (and worry) just by making your intentions clear from the get go.
  6. Have your own life. Why is this so hard for some women? The gift of your own life should be blessing, not an eye roll. You might love your life together, but be grateful for your independence, too. You need your own career, friends, and hobbies, because life will be sad as hell if you can’t be a whole person on your own.
  7. Give him space. Whether or not he asked for it, space can be good for even the best of relationships. Even if you share the same group of friends, you need time apart so you can cherish the time you spend together.
  8. Live in the present. Sometimes women seem to love to plan their entire future with a man at rapid speed. Some are dreaming of their wedding day after the very first date. Ladies, for goodness’ sake, slow the hell down. Enjoy the moment and stop rushing to forever, because life goes by too fast already.
  9. Stop worrying about who’s in control. A relationship is a partnership not a dictatorship. So start treating it as the former and forget the latter. There’s no boss and no final say. Treat your partner as an equal with an opinion just as worthy as your own. In an adult relationship, it doesn’t matter who wears the pants, and thinking otherwise is just plain childish.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.