As guys, sometimes it seems like we can’t do anything right when it comes to women. This is especially true in the dating world, where we have to worry about being too forward, coming off as creepy, or overstepping boundaries while also avoiding being too passive and finding a way to make our interest clear. All the potential pitfalls can make even the thought of approaching a woman we like feel super overwhelming, but here’s how to do it with confidence.
1. Clean up your act.
Before you even think about walking up to a woman, make sure you’re presentable. That’s not saying you need to have six-pack abs and be kitted head to toe in Ralph Lauren. However, you need to make sure you take a shower, wear clean clothes, and don’t look like you just rolled out of bed. Basic hygiene speaks volumes.
2. Know your worth.
Understand that you’ve got something to offer. You shouldn’t allow confidence to cross over into arrogance, but you should respect yourself enough to know that you’re a solid guy and any woman would be lucky to have you. If you don’t believe you’re worth her time, why should she?
3. Make eye contact but stop short of staring.
Lock eyes for a moment, flash a smile, and look away. Staring is one of the creepiest things guys can do in women’s eyes. However*, a basic level of eye contact is connection, and avoiding it will also look shifty. There’s a fine line. Stay on the right side of it.
4. Keep open body language.
Keep your shoulders back, head up, and arms relaxed. Closed-off body language screams insecurity. Open up, and let your stance say, “I’m approachable.” Don’t stand around with your arms crossed, scowling at everyone like you’re a bouncer at your local club fighting off ‘roid rage.
5. Start with a simple “hello.”
Forget the cheesy one-liners — just say hi to start. You want to seem genuine, not like you’re a pick-up artist. If she’s interested, the conversation will flow. It’s just getting started that’s the hard part. If she’s not feeling it, you should be able to tell pretty much right away.
6. Listen more than you talk at first.
When she talks, really listen — don’t just wait until she finishes speaking so that you can big yourself up by bragging about how great ou are. Showing genuine interest in what she says tells her you value her words and that you’re actually interested in who she is as a person.
7. Remember that humor goes a long way.
Make her laugh, but don’t try too hard. A well-timed joke can break the ice, but trying to be the stand-up comedian on a first approach is overkill. Also, it goes without saying, but keep the humor clean and inoffensive. Otherwise, you could put her off before you even get started.
8. Give her compliments, not catcalls.
There’s a huge difference between a respectful compliment and a catcall. “You have a great smile” is fine; “Hey sexy” is not. No woman has ever heard a random dude making comments about her appearance and thought, “Gee, he seems great — I wonder if he wants to go out!”
9. Respect her space.
Don’t invade her personal bubble. If you lean in and she leans out, take the hint. Respect personal space, always. Women don’t want guys all up on their faces, especially not when they don’t even know you. Most guys wouldn’t want that either, so we shouldn’t treat women any differently.
10. Be clear about your intentions.
If you’re interested in her, let her know. Don’t play games or beat around the bush. Honesty is refreshing and sets clear expectations. Don’t pretend that you really want to date her and that you’re looking for a relationship if you’re not, either. That’s sketchy as and makes you seem like a terrible person.
11. Handle rejection gracefully.
Not every approach will be a hit, and that’s okay. If she’s not interested, accept it gracefully. No sulking, no insults. Move on. Don’t try to fight your corner either or convince her that you’re some great guy and she’s missing out. This just makes you look sad and super weak.
12. Be confident but not arrogant.
There’s a thin line between confident and arrogant. Confidence is silent; it doesn’t need to brag or dominate. Arrogance is loud and insecure. You want to appear self-assured, of course, but not so much that you just seem like a jerk. Women don’t like that attitude, no matter how much you convince yourself they do.
13. Know when to walk away.
If the conversation isn’t going anywhere, it’s fine to end it. You’ll both appreciate it. Don’t linger around hoping she’ll change her mind or that the chemistry will suddenly be there. You might like the look of someone but realize once you start chatting that the vibes aren’t there. Accept that and keep it moving.
14. Keep it real.
Be yourself. Pretending to be someone you’re not is like building a house on sand. It won’t last, and it’s exhausting. If she’s going to be interested in you, it needs to be the authentic you, not some facade you’re putting forward because you think it’ll make her like you. That always, always backfires.
15. Follow up if it feels right.
Got her number? Great. Follow up with a message, not a marriage proposal. Keep it casual and see where it leads. Approaching a woman shouldn’t be like defusing a bomb. It’s about being respectful, genuine, and self-assured. Remember, it’s not about getting a date at all costs; it’s about starting a conversation to see where things might go.
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