You’re caught up in a heavy case of the feels. You’re crushing hard and want to get into a relationship with the person you’re so into. The only problem is that they’re taking their not-so-sweet time to ask you out or take your “hanging out” sessions to the next level. Hmm. So, to deal with this, you try to convince them to move a bit faster. You might try to show them that you’re awesome and would make a great partner. Although you want to make a good impression and all that, you should never have to convince someone to date you. Here’s why it’s a bad idea.
1. You Don’t Have To Jump Through Hoops.
What, you think you have to jump through hoops to prove that you’re dateable? Insert eye roll. Do you try to go the extra mile to be wonderful and charming on dates, or try hard to initiate contact (even if it feels awkward) so that communication between you doesn’t fizzle out? It’s a lot of work and for what? You don’t have to try to prove yourself to win someone’s affection.
2. You Know Love Shouldn’t Be This Hard.
You shouldn’t feel like you’re in a marathon, sweating and in pain, trying to get this relationship off the ground. It’s supposed to be easy, at least in the beginning. You should have a connection with the person that motivates both of you (not just you) to want to spend more time together and progress.
3. You’re Amazing, Just As You Are.
It’s not a good idea to try to show the person that you’re into them or that you’re such a cool person. It can backfire because it makes you come across as clingy or desperate. You don’t have to market yourself — that’s such a diss to yourself! The person should already know you’re amazing, and if they don’t, then why are you even spending time with them?
4. You’ll Have To Continue Working Hard.
How you behave in the early dating stages sets the scene for what the relationship is going to be like. So, if you’re pushing hard to earn the person’s love (groan), you’re probably going to have to continue working so hard. Um, is this a relationship or a side hustle? SMH. Don’t let the person think you’re going to be putting in all the effort and letting them coast.
5. You’re Legit Wasting Your Time.
If you’re always trying to show them how great you are, you’re wasting your time. Seriously. You’re also tiring yourself out with all this hard work. One day, you’ll look back and wish you’d done something more productive with your time. Take it from someone who’s been there! It’s also so hurtful to be around someone who doesn’t really see you, and you’ll wish you’d been around people with the sense to notice you.
6. You Can’t Change Them.
One of the biggest dating rules to follow is the one about not changing people. Not only does this leave you disappointed because you can’t actually change anyone, but it’s also disrespectful of the person and a tad manipulative. How can you expect them to like you the way you are if you’re trying to change them? Think about that.
7. You’re Operating From A Place Of Fear.
When you connect with people and you’re both on the same page, you allow love to bloom. If you’re the only one working to make something grow from all your time hanging out, you’re going to be anxious and fearful, desperately clinging to your goal of being with them. Stop the chase and think about why you’re putting this pressure on yourself.
8. You’re Manipulating Them.
To get the person to love you, you might try to be super-nice to them, such as by throwing praise over them and complimenting them all the time. Honestly? They’re going to suspect you of having a hidden agenda and trying to manipulate them. Again, this can be linked to controlling tendencies that are bubbling underneath the surface.
9. You’re Just Delaying What’s Gonna Happen.
Trying to convince someone to date you or like you might work, for a while. You might see that they’re coming around and warming to you. But, how can you trust that they’ll continue feeling this or that their feelings are genuine? They might just be going with the flow ’cause it’s convenient for them right now. If their heart’s not in it, they’ll bounce soon enough.
10. You’re Turning Into A Doormat.
If you’re trying so hard to be liked by someone, you’re putting them on a pedestal. Gross. They might get so used to you being available to them that they start taking advantage of you, like when they’re down with flu and need someone to bring them chicken soup. Be careful about giving too much of yourself to someone who doesn’t even deserve it. You deserve better.
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